- Posted
- Feb 18th 2005
- Mood
- Miserable
- Music
- none
Hey I'm back with another depressing journal entry, well party. On the good side I saw an awesome concert tonight of the arrogant worms, they kicked ass. Anyways on to the crappy part, I've been dealing with anxiety disorders, depression, and OCD for awhile now and my therapist wanted to put me on zoloft which I am on, I've been taking it since tuesday night and I dunno weather it's just crappy mood but as soon as I got on it things have been going downhill. I've become stalled, my obsessive complusive behavior has frozen me literally, I couldn't even get into a shower untiul 2:30 pm today. After the concert tonight I ended up bursting out crying cuase this is just been too much for me, my Mom keeps telling me that this crisis will end and things well get better but I don't feel like anything has gotten better even though it has in someways. So now I have a dilemma, too keep taking this medication or say fuck it and try to do this without help cause in the end I'm alone in this, no one no matter what they say, do, think and help me. I lay awake and wonder what went wrong, but I get no answers, I've never had any faith, I've never been happy in my life, I've gotten by but I've never been happy, maybe that is why things are the way they are.
I have no faith, no ability to know things will be ok, Maybe I need some faith, I feel so empty, no one knows what they are searching for but we are all searching, all I beg and wish for is some piece of mind so I don't lose it
. Anyways I'm tired and I have class tomorrow.
theAnimePUnK Says:
That sounds awful. I have symptoms of social anxiety disorder, but I refuse to go see a therapist (a result of the disorder itself, ironically...). It's not so bad for me I suppose since it only seems to affect me when I am around people I've never met before, or people I don't feel comfortable around. It becomes hard to breathe sometimes, but other than that I've been able to deal with it okay.
True, you don't have the ability to know if everything will be alright, but then again no one really does. Nothing in life is certain, but that's exactly what faith is: believing something with all your heart even when there is nothing to substantiate it. Also, God has nothing to do with it. You need to believe that things will work out for the best, and they will. In my opinion, it's all in the mind.
Maybe I'm right, maybe I'm wrong, but when I read your journal I had to say something. I wish you all the best and if it means anything at all, I'll pray for you (although I'm really not Christian). I know we just met, but keep in mind that I'm willing to lend an ear whenever something is troubling you. It's not much, but it's all I have to offer.
megan melancholy Says:
Hey, hun, I know how the OCD, depression, and anxiety goes.
It's all shit. Makes me wanna gut myself sometimes.
All that stuff has been fading away, as long as I try to rid of the things that bring it up...positive friends, and keeping myself busy with life is one way I deal. Art, of course, is another.
Don't let it drown you out.