Posted

Dec 3rd 2009

Mood

Empty

Music

A Perfect Circle : Vanishing

Okay I am really pissed off I have been feeling down for so long already and it feels like I'm missing something from my life but I have no idea.. I think one thing is the fact that I've lost pretty much all the friends I used to have, and the ones I still talk to are not on too often and to be honest I don't want to disturb anyone with my problems.. So yes, basically I'm just writing this journal for myself :)

I try to act happy and so on but deep inside I feel really bad all the time and my thoughts are getting darker and darker day by day.. Really often also I'm just walking outside, it is as if I was just wandering around in a dream and nothing really makes any sense.. It is a nice feeling to a certain degree, but when it's like that all the time it's not so much fun anymore.. Besides that plus the fact that I can't remember almost anything anymore and I'm really tired all the time doesn't create a good combination.. Also school is going brilliantly!! I got my first exam back and just about passed it Sweet.. I don't really want to know my other grades.. Especially now when it also seems like my music teacher doesn't like me as much as she used to.. Plus then I have to finish a stupid art project that's already failed and all that crap!! AWESOME!

On the other hand I can't get the flu shot I'm allergic to egg (just a tiny bit though) so at least that's dealt with.. It makes me a little happier, also because I have one or two performances tomorrow and I will be able to play flute. Even though I'm a little nervous about it too

I really need to get help and sort things out, otherwise there's no way I can complete school next Autumn.. Which I really want to because I just want to concertrate on music and other stuff I really enjoy...

I don't know why the heck am I submitting these journals, it doesn't make any difference anyway Only like a few people reads them, from whom two possibly care.. Thank you for that though (I am quite sure you two know who you are ;3).