Posted

Oct 29th 2009

Mood

Blah

(Taken from DA So if you read it there, it's the same thing with few modifications)


So, I haven't been submitting things with such consistency as I used to due to the fact that I'm working, doing school, and playing far too much WoW and Forever Katamari. However, I felt upon looking at my page views that I should thank you guys. Almost at 6666 views(as of a few seconds ago)...which isn't so bad for not being incredibly active.

I suppose the reasons I don't submit artwork with as much energy as I used to is because 1. I'm not really finishing anything, 2. I'm not getting favorites/views/comments on the art that I do submit, 3. I'm too lazy to scan my school stuff in, and 4. I'm simply not drawing/writing as much as I used to.

Am I loosing my umph? Has something been turned upside down in the brain of Grapey here?

Maybe.
Sometimes I wonder if I've grown out of something that used to fuel the fire to my inspiration and my creativity.

However, with this Figure Drawing Project I've now completed, new hope has arisen. I can use and wield watercolors to create something believable and pretty and something people want to look at. I stepped back from my project last night(it's huge, 5ft by 2ft, It was taped to my wall) and was like, "Damn, this looks great. If only I were able to come up with this concept earlier so I could have more time to do it, perfect it, make it really mine."

Edit I had the critique on that piece yesterday and it really made me feel like I let everyone down. To hear the main thing "You did good, but you could have done better" just made me feel like crap honestly. The poses of the characters may have been safe, but the project as a whole was a step outside of my comfort zone. It makes me now feel like I'm unprepared to go to CSUN. Like my skills aren't up to par.

I've noticed how somethings just don't translate well from original intent to "finished" and I think that's what has been discouraging me as of late. I've been in this "perfectionist" rut and all I can think about is "finishing" stuff when really all I need to do is...draw.create.have fun.enjoy. I need to get out more is my conclusion. Hang with my friends. Re-connect with old friends(facebook lol).

I need to go to the Getty(or any museum really). I love that place. I always feel so small when I'm walking around the upstairs where the paintings are and see these MASSIVE paintings that people spent days and days on and they've been preserved and I think of the things I've done and even I've forgotten already what I've done. My own work.

So yea, I miss you guys I guess.

6 weeks left in the fall semester. 1 More semester until CSUN. I'm a little scared that I wont be able to perform to their standards. 3 More years until I can teach. I'm a little scared that I wont be able to manage a class, 5 classes, 5 days a week. I'm also afraid of being the "young" teacher.

Everything will work out in the end but right now, growing up is pretty scary. 7 months until I'm 21. 10 months until my sister is 18.

Damn. Time.


So thanks for getting to the end, if you did.