- Posted
- Sep 26th 2009
- Mood
Mood: I don't know...
It's weird, it already seems to be so long ago, but it's only one year ago...
I'm not sure why I'm writing this journal, but I feel I just have to.
One year (and two days) ago my best friend from primary school died.
(
http://sheezyart.com/journal/view/500562/ [Thanks again for all those comments.])
The more I'm typing the less I know what to type about it.
It was a weird day two days ago, not the day itself, but when I'm looking back to it. I knew he died one year ago on that day, I thought about him, but besides of that, it was a normal day.
I wonder... Was I supposed to be sad? (I also wonder why I'm writing this, but I still just feel like doing it.)
It's just... weird.
So much happened since that day one year ago, good and bad things, though I mostly seem to remember the bad things. (That's human though; it's easier for us to remember sad/bad things.)
Hmm, it's slowly getting harder for me to write things, you can't see it, but the time between finishing a line and starting a new one is getting longer and I believe I'm still not making any sense at all with this journal. (I'm petty much lost in old memoires at the moment.)
I guess that if I would get one wish right now, I would wish I could speak to him one more time and tell him about everything that happened last year and after that we would have to play an old N64 game like James Bond Golden Eye or Mario Kart '64 or we would build a cool thingy with LEGO. (That's what we used to do: play in their huge garden, building stuff with LEGO or playing a game on the Nintendo 64.)
So, yeah, I still miss him sometimes. After he died I did a lot things I probably wouldn't do if he was still alive, I tried to become more social and tell other people more often about how I feel. (But now I think about it... I haven't told anyone about the fact that he died one year (and two days) ago.)
It sounds really weird, but maybe it also was something good that he died. (That probably doesn't sound like I think it should be, I don't/didn't want him to die, but it did change me in some good ways I think... ...)
Well... I think that pretty much it what I want/can write at the moment...
Still not sure why I wrote this journal...
I still miss you Thijs, R.I.P.
vampire Miyu Says:
ik denk dat je deze journal hebt geschreven om de dingen voor jezelf wat duidelijker op een rijtje te krijgen en om je gevoelens een beetje te kunnen uiten zonder je gelijk kwestbaar op te stellen...
dakan Says:
well, hope that writing this makes you better,and im sorry about your friend, but well i cant do anything but being a friend of yours
SaisCy Says:
Hii Jelmer
)
I'd say this journal is like a medium for working stuff out, you know, getting your head on straight.
) you're pretty much obligated to be confused and not know how you feel. So to quote American Pie's badass Noah Levenstein: "it's perfectly natural."
Kinda heavy stuff.. Have to sit down for this one for a while (nah just kidding, it's 6AM for crying out loud, I can't even stand on my legs yet
Anyways.. I've written quite a couple of mixed up journals and as the expert, I must say.. Well pretty much what Irina said
And I really hope it helped. Losing someone is never easy, and not-easy stuff does indeed tend to be preserved by the brain a bit longer than most of the good stuff. It's ok to be sad about it sometimes. And as a teenager (don't worry, after those years you'll find another excuse
Waow, now I've lost all track of the point I was making.. Ironic aint it?
But this is something I know I wanted to say - though I don't exactly remember why.. What I want to say is, please don't forget the good things that happened! Like euhm.. Nutella action?
Also, in the unlikely situation where I would actually have a moment of spare time on my hands, let's hang out?