Posted

Aug 20th 2009

Mood

More wacky, insane news that'll further ruin your thought on the Human race!

http://www.sltrib.com/justice/ci_13146563

In this article, violence strikes in a place where nobody would expect blood to be shed: In a game of Dungeons and Dragons. If you don't know what D&D is, well, join the club. Hell, I don't even know what it is. Something to do with 20 sided dice and roleplay. Not my kind of thing. I think it's like World of Warcraft, except on paper, with plastic figurines.

Anyway, these nerds were killing each other ingame with swords and magic and whatnot. This is followed by a brief argument about a girl they knew, which ended with one of the nerds attacking the other with their +20 Hammer of Carpentry. And by that, I mean he assaulted the other guy with a fucking HAMMER. Apparently, he got a Critical Hit, or something, because his hammertime moment floored his buddy, who was so out of it after the first attack that he thought he was dreaming. It wasn't until he subconsciously held up his arms in defense, along with good 'ol pain, that he realized that he was very much awake. Oh, and being pummeled by a nerd with a hammer. Unfortunately, he couldn't do too much to stop his attacker (Maybe he didn't roll for Initiative?).

So, this guy nearly beats this guy to death, stole his stuff (Something I can assume for the assailant's "aggravated burglary" charge), and then left him for dead. The victim lost much of his sight, along with the ability to read and write, and now requires extensive therapy and rehabilitation to try and regain his lost abilities. So, what was the motive for this terrible crime? The other guy dated a girl they agreed neither would, and he didn't like how the other guy was Dungeon-Master'ing. That's the worst part. He nearly killed his own friend for petty reasons that 12 year olds would argue about, not 20 year olds.

Oh, and did I mention the assailant was on over-the-counter sleeping drugs at the time? Yeah, I thought it worth mentioning. THAT'S why I don't ever take that stuff.

Thankfully, the assailant was arrested, and will be beaten with the Hammer of Justice in the Court of Law (I can also follow this with a snide remark about how Justice is also blind, but heck, I feel sorry for the victim). Then, someone will lay down the hammer to him in prison, if ya catch my drift. Nothing quite says "Hey! You broke the law!" quite like a daily human booster shot.

Whatever, I'm done. Nothing to see here. Move along