Posted

Jul 11th 2009

Mood

Blank

I really don't like other people. I have a desire to be nice and try to better everyone, but at the same time I despise them all. I hate how horrible everybody is. Very few people are authentically nice. Most people are just conniving, only being nice so that they can get some sort of favor for it later, slipping out of reach when it's time to pay their own debts. I don't know. Maybe that's the way it all works.

I don't understand humans anymore. No one seems good or admirable. Everything seems fake. I feel like we're all playing some made up game and I'm the first person to lose. The first person to realize none of it is real. None of it matters. All we really have in the end is compassion, and no one remembers what it is anymore.

I feel like 90% of the population are outright shitheads, on the verge of some sort of sociopathy. That they all just wear a smile, lying about the horrible people they are inside, until the moment one small thing doesn't go their way, and the terrible crushing pressure of their black souls is released.

I'm sorry you have to wait in line sometimes. I'm sorry you have to stop at a red light. I'm sorry that other people don't live on your schedule. I'm sorry other people exist.

Wouldn't the world be better without everybody else? Would the world exist without everybody else? Is this all some collective dream? Is this all some frail work of art, held together only by random acts compassion? Why must you kick in the teeth of my good day? I don't understand this anymore.