- Posted
- May 26th 2009
- Mood
- Determined
- Music
- My Heart
...Like the only gleam of sun on a very rainy day.
:(
****
Hey, friends.
I wish I could be more cheerful right now, but I don't think I can be. There are events going on in my life that are hard to overcome, but I have to be strong through them. I admit, it's a lonely road, but I honestly don't feel so alone.
I really want to go into detail, but the better part withholds me from doing so. Some are not as bad as others, and as I've mentioned before, I have to go through it, and I know I have to be strong.
As some little good news though, something that sparkles in the dimness of theses clouds of my day to day is that yes, a bit of confidence has been put into my step.
I've been feeling really bad about my weight lately. I already know I have an extremely poor self-image and I do not value my intellect or my way of being very much either. But today, I had taken off all of my clothes in front of a mirror and I felt good about how I looked. I don't know, but I think I'm just accepting how I am, little by little. I know I'll have down times of feeling this way, but, standing there, I saw beauty.
I'm not perfect at all. No one is. And I think it's all of those wrinkles, dimples and cracks in us that makes us so uniquely lovable. Later in the day, my mother kissed me on my cheek; I think she sensed that beauty emanating from me that I have always been struggling to find after all of these years. I wore my favorite black tights and my ice-cream man shirt that my sister 'lent' to me from when she was in high school. I can see all of humble me, and I honestly actually felt good about myself.
It's so hard to explain, this feeling of knowing that everything will be alright. And in a way, that little bit of confidence has carried me through my torrential day. I've broken hearts, I've been a horrible person, I've hurt the person I love most dearly to my weak and yearning heart.
But I know, I know it, I know it and I know it so much more, that everything in the end will be alright.
Some how, it always does. ^-^
So, as a word of encouragement to all of you struggling through the hills and valleys in your lives, take heart, my little friends. Everything is not as horrible as your circumstance may want to persuade you into thinking. There is enjoyment even in hardship; you just might have to look a little closer, be a little more lenient and exercise a whole lot more love.
Pray for me and keep me in your thoughts, Sheezyites. I thank you for being with me thus so far.
Kindly,
Your Own Doodzy
sonicfactor Says:
I will pray for you. i came to have the same kind of problem a while back except kind of different scenario.
Goldenavatar Says:
Wow, uh, that is deeply concerning, but I'm ill qualified to offer any commentary with substance to it. My first thought was to voice how none of us weren't invited to the clothing optional mirror exhibition, but that'd probably be tacky. I hope that your mood improves soon. You seem so upbeat. It's kind of noticeable when you voice that you're down.
spanio Says:
Cheer up buttercup. =D
AtroxChobatsu Says:
Be strong Doods.
And I think you look fantastic as you are. But exercise and a good diet don't hurt.
Merina Says:
1. You have to fix your extremely poor self-image, it's not helping you with anything.
Besides if you feel better with yourself you can usually do more as well, and you can just take things how they go.
I suggest that if you cannot help yourself, that you should try and talk with someone about it, perhaps even a psychologist.
It's nothing to be afraid of, it's actually quite normal, and very common thing to do.
2. It's a lonely road you say. Maybe you have us something to tell about you and lifeisart? At least I was guessing things could be about that.
3. As for breaking hearts, Everybody does something 'wrong' somehow, whether that be intentionally or not intentional.
If i start thinking about all the people i've hurt in my life I can probably name a thousand of them.
But why would I do that? Is that contributing to a healthy situation? What you need to do is learn (literally, by learning what you've 'done' etc) and move on.
If you really feel something wrong has been done, try and do your best to fix it and know that you can only do your best.
And if you mean something, if you really do mean something, that message will get through. Whether something is done with it or not, that's a completely different question though. You can only do your best.
If who you are concerns you think comparatively and never generally. It might not work on all levels, but it will help.
Remember, Dia. There's nothing we can't do, so long as we have each others shoulders to lean on.