Posted

Jan 7th 2009

Mood

Angry

Complaint!

Whiny, bitchy rant. I guess I'm finally snapping a bit. xD;

I thought I had everything worked out for college this morning. Financial aid was filed, the first payment for my tuition is going to be covered by a friend of mine, and I bought two out of four/five books for my classes today. Things looked pretty good.

Then around 6:30 PM (Two and a half hours after the business office closes), I get an email saying there was something wrong with my Financial aid App. Now, deadline to get everything done and ready is January 9, or this Friday. This is seriously getting down to the wire, and every little thing is becoming a gigantic obstacle (Which of course is never good for my nerves).

Anyhoo, apparently what is wrong with the app is that it's missing my mother's electronic signature- which is my fault because I purposely tried to submit it without it, thinking that since I am eighteen, I can send it with just mine. So I get my mother to try and electronically sign, and her, being old and somewhat computer illiterate, fucks it up, causing her pin number to be deactivated. So I try and sign her up for a new pin number, and that takes 1-3 days to activate. Like I said, deadline's in 3 days.

Regardless, now I need to call them tomorrow. Here's my checklist for the next 3 days:
-Look into bus passes
-Look online to find out what teachers I have to get the other textbooks
-Find out exactly what went wrong with my app (There might be more wrong for all I know)

Now, none of this is really that bad. It IS doable. But I've been stressing myself out over it because of several reasons. Here's the more personal part of the rant.

It was my mother, along with my school, who were harping on me so bad to go to college AS SOON AS POSSIBLE OR ELSE ALL HELL WILL BREAK LOOSE. She's been after me for money time and time again because she loses out on 400 dollars every month that I'm not in school. Every time I try to tell her that my paycheck is for going to college like SHE wants, she gets pissed off at me and tells me "you live here, you have to contribute".

And I -do-. When she wants cat food or milk or something, 9/10 times I'll pick it up.

Anyway, back to her harping at me to go to college. Even though she wanted me to go so bad, she barely lifted a finger when it came to actually GETTING ME THERE. Every single time I said "Hey mom, I'm going to MV today. Help me, they're going to need your permission and information", she had some little excuse to not go.

Because of this, I didn't go to college in August.

She got mad at ME for this, of course. She accidentally guilt tripped me quite a bit, reminding me lots that she loses out on 400 bucks every month I'm not in school.

Anyway, since I failed miserably at going to college in August, I tried a hell of a lot harder this time. This time, I asked for her information and never counted on her presence. I got a friend of mine to help me out, who got me to the college and back, is paying for the first part of my tuition, and bought my books, fully offering to get everything else I may need, including transportation sometimes. Mind you, I knew it would be a lot easier if I -had- my mom's presence, so I did ask her a couple times to go with me, which were of course denied. I understand that she's under a lot of stress and all, and is trying to do work, but come on. That was your excuse this week. What about last -month-? The month before? Please realize mom, that I only have -one- parent that can help me with this. Getting into college is MY priority right now, and should be my ONLY priority. But I can only get myself so far when I'm living under someone else's roof. Aren't parents supposed to be obsessed with getting their kids into college? You had the words, but not the motivation.

And on top of that, I don't even want to go to college sometimes. It's a waste of time and money, and doesn't guarantee me a good career. I don't even have a career in mind, which is why I -didn't- want to go ASAP. Therefore I greet my other problem- More and more I feel like I'm going to college for everyone else's benefit, not mine. I hate that look people get on their face when I go "Yeah, I've graduated high school and I have a job- but I haven't gone to college yet." First thing out of their mouths is always "Oh, you have to go to college! Pip pip, tally ho!". I consider myself fortunate to even have a job. I feel like college is going to take away from my job. But it'll get my mom her lousy 400 bucks a month, so maybe she'll stop asking me for rent.

Of course, when I tried to bring up that she SHOULD be with me when I go to MV sometimes, I got the response "We'll get you there, don't worry."

... I'm sorry, but... "We"?