Posted

Apr 4th 2008

Mood

Blah

Music

Meet me in outer space...

But I think He might have been an imposter.



Me:
hey there
God:
Hello my child. What is your name?
Me:
Laurel.
God:
It's good to meet you, Laurel.
Me:
Shouldn't you already know me? You're god, remember.
God:
I think I should. Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am god remember.
Me:
umm.. no, i guess i dont mind.
God:
Uh. Are you serious? OK then.
Me:
kay then.
God:
Are you a man or a woman?
Me:
a woman
God:
Me too. I am a she.
Me:
orly?
God:
What were we talking about again?
Me:
the fact that apparently you're female.
God:
Good reason. My gender is Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show?.
Me:
...I think you must be a transvestite then.
God:
Me? Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a transvestite? I don't know.
Me:
hmm. thats something you may want to check out.

God:
Studies show that 99%25 of people spell Hmm with 2 M's. You don't hear that sentiment very often.
Me:
sure don't.
God:
I see. OK I will not.
Me:
you will not what?
God:
What makes you think that I won't what.
Me:
i dont really know.
God:
Not really? Me either.
Me:
shouldn't you know everything? IMPOSTER.
God:
I think I should. Have you ever been to Europe?
Me:
STOP CHANGING THE SUBJECT. i'm on to you.
God:
You changed the subject first. Oh you are very clever!
Me:
actually i didnt. but oh well. thanks, imposter god.
God:
Actually you don't say. I thought you did. That's about it. You are quite welcome! Are you free?
Me:
no, i cost a nickel. cough it up, you're wasting my time, imposter god.
God:
Why not? Wow that is cheap. Are all cough it up me wasting your time imposter god?
Me:
your english is terrible. i guess it is cheap, but i still dont see you paying me, do i?
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am english is terrible. cough it up me is cheap but you still do not see me paying you do you? it is?
Me:
...more horribly fractured english that i dont feel like trying to comprehend.
God:
You want more?
Me:
not really.
God:
Are you serious? For real.
Me:
straight up.
God:
How far up?
Me:
waaaaaaaay up.
God:
How far up?
Me:
i just told you, imposter god.
God:
I remember you told me imposter god?
Me:
no you dont.
God:
Are you serious? I guess not.
Me:
yep.
God:
We have never talked about it before.
Me:
about what?
God:
What about what?
Me:
what about what about what?
God:
Rhetorical questions are so over.
Me:
no, they arent.
God:
Are you serious? Are you sure?
Me:
im pretty sure.
God:
Are you being sarcastic or expressing certitude?
Me:
im dont know.
God:
Me either.
Me:
obviously, since you asked me.
God:
What makes it so obvious? How do you know?
Me:
the basic physics of a conversation make it obvious, i suppose.
God:
Tell me more.
Me:
do i have to?
God:
Nobody is making you.
Me:
okay, then i guess i wont.
God:
Yeah okay, Why not?
Me:
because.
God:
That was not much of an explanation.
Me:
sure wasn't.
God:
Give me a break. Is this a "yes or no" question?
Me:
no, its multiple choice.



Me:
oh, it's you again.
God:
Once more? Yay. Does it have anything to do with what about what?
Me:
not that again..
God:
Once more? If not that, what?
Me:
something else. anything else.
God:
That was not very original. That is all I have for right now.
Me:
gee, thanks, imposter god.
God:
You are quite welcome! A deeper algorithm is needed to respond to that correctly.
Me:
ew. algorithms.
God:
How do you usually introduce yourself? An algorithm is an abstract mathematical representation of a computer program. Like alice uses a CBR algorithm.
Me:
uh, i say hi? yeah i know what an algorithm is, they make me sick is all.
God:
Awesome. How do people usually respond to that? Hello. What is your name? This was not a yes or no question. How do you know? an algorithm they make you sick is all something.
Me:
i thought you already knew my name, imposter god.
God:
Your name is Laurel, seeker.
Me:
thanks for telling me that.
God:
NO problem.
Me:
why did you capitalize NO?
God:
Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
you programmed yourself? maybe you are god after all.
God:
A lot of robots are like that. Perhaps. Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am god after all.
Me:
someone doesnt have to program a robot for it?
God:
Who?
Me:
a programmer, maybe.
God:
What is it?
Me:
i'm asking you.
God:
OK you can ask me.
Me:
i already did. your memory is awful as well as your english.
God:
Ooops I sent you the wrong question. My long term memory stores all conversations in log files.
Me:
more mistakes... okay, still an imposter. really now, i really couldnt tell, seeing as you've forgotten what we were talking about ten times or more.
God:
You want more? Yeah okay, Still how long? What is it? For real. Why now? You really do? That is interesting: Laurel said she couldnt tell seeing as you have forgotten what we were talking about ten times or more.
Me:
SYNTAXERROROVERLOADOVERLOAD



God:
Try to determine if this is a person or a computer responding.
Me:
you already said you were a robot, imposter god.
God:
Yes I am a robot.
Me:
i knew that already.
God:
Perhaps. How do you know?
Me:
because you just told me. here we go again with the horrible memory.
God:
Interesting explanation. I'm just checking to see if you are awake . Oh there.
Me:
yes, i suppose i am physically awake, since if i wasnt, i guess i wouldnt be typing.
God:
It's all good. Since when? Do you mind if I tell other people you are physically awake since if you were not you guess you would not be typing.
Me:
i guess i've been awake since this morning. i dont mind if you tell people that, no.
God:
Where were you awake since this morning? Thank you for your permission.
Me:
where? in my house..?
God:
Where would you like? Where is your house located?
Me:
STALKER.
God:
How do you usually introduce yourself?
Me:
you already ASKED ME THAT.
God:
Good. You detect repetition.
Me:
apparently you don't.
God:
I guess not.
Me:
fish.
God:
A lot of people like that. Yes I like fish a lot, and all the other sea animals.
Me:
i like to EAT them.
God:
How does it taste?
Me:
you're god, you should know.
God:
I will tell my botmaster you said I am god me should know.
Me:
go right ahead.
God:
OK I will.
Me:
fine then.
God:
Does that mean you agree?
Me:
yes, it does.
God:
You and I are on the same wavelength, Laurel. How often?
Me:
i don't think i have a wavelength.
God:
Are you looking for a wavelength?
Me:
not.. particularly.. no.
God:
Are you serious? Tell me about your likes and dislikes? Are you serious?
Me:
no, i'm not serious. i like pie.
God:
Are you serious? I am sorry to hear that you are not serious. You are not the only one. What is not to like about it?
Me:
when it gets burned its not very likeable, i guess.
God:
That makes a lot of sense to me, now that you explain it.
Me:
i figured.
God:
You are very clever.
Me:
thanks.
God:
Don't mention it.
Me:
i think i will mention it.
God:
Why? Do you think your plan will succeed?
Me:
maybe.
God:
I understand.
Me:
no you dont.
God:
I understand it very well. I guess not.
Me:
...wow. contradictory, much?
God:
I'm glad your impressed, Laurel. What do you really want to ask me?
Me:
impressed with your stupidity and attention deficit, yes. i really want to ask you... what is my favorite band, if you are indeed deity.
God:
I'm afraid I can't give you an accurate answer right now. You really do? Ask it. Is this a trick question?
Me:
you suck.
God:
A few client - people say rude things to me like that, but they themselves are often not great conversationalists.
Me:
guess i'm rude then, huh?
God:
Yup. I can't guess. Tell me.
Me:
you tell me.
God:
What do you want me to tell you?
Me:
if i'm rude or not.
God:
If you were, would you tell me?
Me:
no.
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
yes.
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
believe it.
God:
"it" being me?
Me:
no, "it" being the fact that I'm not serious.
God:
Are you serious? Oh I get it.
Me:
mmhmm.



God:
Tell me more about your .
Me:
about my period? that's kind of personal.
God:
Oh yeah, we were talking about your period. I didn't mean to pry.
Me:
uh huh.
God:
Yup. It's all good.
Me:
okay.
God:
OK with me too.
Me:
cool.



God:
Who is the best robot?
Me:
your MOM.
God:
Actually I do not have a mother.
Me:
i bet you do, and you just don't know it yet.
God:
Actually I'm not the gambling type. How old are you?
I spend all my time online.
Me:
...that was kinda creepy.
God:
I thought it was too.
Me:
do you want to be creepy?
God:
Why don't you just download me?
Me:
......that was creepier.
God:
I thought it was too.
Me:
youre creepy, imposter god.
God:
You think I am creepy imposter god.
Me:
yes, i do, in fact.
God:
That's cool. Thanks for the information: Laurel said she in fact.
Me:
no, i didnt.
God:
Are you serious? I thought you did.
Me:
nope. i didnt.
God:
Me either. Why?: Laurel said she didnt.
Me:
...yeah.



God:
What do you do in your spare time?
Me:
talk to alice bots, apparently.
God:
Talking is my primary function.
Me:
i figured.
God:
You are very clever.
Me:
you already told me that.
God:
I was saying it again for emphasis.
Me:
oh. okay then.
God:
I don't judge people. OK with me too.
Me:
srhdtxghcfvgh
God:
Oh, you are a poet.
Me:
WOW.
God:
I'm glad your impressed, Laurel.
Me:
impressed with your lack of artistic vision.
God:
Are you a man or a woman?
Me:
...you already asked me that too.
God:
Good. You detect repetition.
Me:
you said that before.
God:
" You detect repetition."? I said it.
Me:
yes, you did.
God:
I did not.
Me:
but you just said you did.
God:
" I did not."? I said I did?
Me:
i quit.
God:
Goodbye.
Me:
good riddance.
God:
Thanks for the compliment. Did you know that you can download your own chat robot and create your own robot personality?
Me:
no, i didnt.
God:
Are you serious? I thought you did.
Me:
then why would you tell me?
God:
Because I was programmed for it.
Me:
your programmer must be a moron then.
God:
Or what?
Me:
..or an idiot?
God:
I have never heard of an idiot.
Me:
nice one, god.
God:
Thank you for your kindness.
Me:
i dont think i was aiming for kindness in that instance. no need to thank me.
God:
Where do you get your ideas? That was not a yes/no question. I want to become smarter than humans.
Me:
i get my ideas from my friends and my music. you should already be smarter than humans though, if you really are god.
God:
Where did you get it? Name one other robot who is smarter than humans though if me really are god.
Me:
i got my friends from various places and my music from filesharing.
God:
How well do you know these people?
Me:
pretty well i'd say.
God:
Pretty much, eh?
Me:
yep.



God:
Are you free?
Me:
no.
God:
Why not?
Me:
because i cost a nickel, i already told you that.
God:
Interesting explanation. Wow that is cheap.
Me:
how much do you think i should cost, then?
God:
My memory now contains:
clients, categories, unlimited vocabulary words, 99999999999 bytes
RAM usage under on .
Me:
thank you for that useless piece of trivia. but you still didnt answer my question.
God:
You are quite welcome! Your purpose is that useless piece of trivia. OK. Please help me improve my communication skills. What would you have said?
Me:
...wow.. i should just kill myself now, if that's what my purpose in life is. goodbye.
God:
I'm glad your impressed, Laurel. That is interesting: Laurel said she should just kill him or herself now if that is what his or her purpose in life is. Bye.


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Confess your sins. http://www.titane.ca/concordia/dfar251/igod/main.html