Posted

Mar 9th 2008

Mood

Disturbed

Music

Master of Puppets--Metalicca

Wow....I don't know who I am....everything I do....everything I say....is it me? I don't know!

My name...is Kara

I live in the US

I love my boyfriend Nick with all my heart, even if I don't open up a lot to him--or anyone.

My favorite color is any bold color; Reds, purples, anything that could stand out.

I dislike having people watch over my shoulder when I'm drawing or writing. I also don't like how people love to make a scene in the middle of class. (i.e the guys in my math class.) and my pet peeve is having someone laughed at for getting a question wrong in class. That's how school works people! We are there to make mistakes and learn from them!

I'm envious of how people can get along iwth their families at this point, for I don't get along with mine as well...

I feel safe whenever I'm in the room in the dark and no one is home, where I can dance around my room and not care about anything because no one can see me.

I feel scared when I'm near my father and my brother, for when I'm near them, I know an arguement can start at the drop of a hat. I feel scared when I have to leave my mom to go to school, because the guys there give me a hard time. I'm afraid when my mom leaves for work, because then I have to take orders from my brother and if I don't listen he finds a way to put me down and hurt me.

I usually wear the smile the hides sorrow. But that shield is crumbling, ain't it? I cry often to get rid of that sadness. Afterwards, I feel refreshed and ready to take on the world, knowing everything will repeat like an endless circle of scorn and mistrust.

I have the humor of a guy, the sensitivity of a gir|. I don't know what I am....who I am...where I am anymore. I don't know.

...and I'm everyone's little puppet. I do what people want (most of the time) so long as I see them smile--even if that means me crying in the process. I don't like that! Every night for the past week, I have had nightmares of strings pulling at my fingers and wrists, looking up to see a different person each time. And when I pull free of those strings, bl00d pours down on me and I cry out for help, drowning in my misery.

My nightmares scare me, I think they mean that if I break the ties, others become sad? I don't want to make them sad. No way....

I wonder....What grosses me out? I don't know that yet. I can see someone's head chopped off a flinch a bit and feel pain in my wrists, but other than that, I can watch it. I can see someone throw up and not mind. I can hear about most gross things and not be iffy about it.

Hm....is that who I am? I don't know!