Posted

Sep 21st 2007

Mood

Annoyed

Music

Crossfade- Someday

I've been frowning for almost the whole day because I seriously can't stand some people, I live in a world where everything fails and everything I do is just a fucking annoyance, I'm sick of all of the society that just turns into an egoistic and careless mannered self, everything that goes around has failed, attitude, love, relationships, EVERYTHING. And I don't even know how the hell am I even going through this without getting depressed at all but I'm still frowning and I still feel angered inside and still can smile around it, oh guess what maybe it's because all the people I know are either too careless or they just don't mind at all of what I think, maybe it's just that a certain one or a few people say a lot of crap but when others think it's just words, that crap actually hurts.

It fucking annoys me that I hear when I'm being an annoyance because people don't even KNOW how to understand someone by who they are, oh please don't start telling me that you don't like me anymore and you'd be crazy to go with me just because I do things you don't like, so WHAT DO I CARE, I'm just human, accept me for what I am and for how I treated you, the fact I was maybe bad ONCE to you doesn't give you the right to have to be bothering me every second or being so indifferent, it pisses me off just that careless and selfish attitude everyone has that whenever you tell them something they just end up "whatever" or "Ok." and go back to bussiness, AND THEN YOU ASK ME WHERE'S THE FUCKING ATTENTION, WHERE'S THE CONCERN!?, TODAY, I can't believe what I heard but a lot of people told me being so hyped up and concerned was an annoyance, OH LOOK, I'M AN IDIOT FOR CARING ABOUT THOSE WHO I RELATE TO, AND IT ANNOYS EVERYONE THAT I'M SO FUCKING CONCEITED? well how about if as soon as you had said that you were annoyed by who I am I had left you, would you of liked that after all the time I WASTED peeling my eyes to see you feel happier even if I made myself sad once or twice in the process? oh what do you care, I'm not important right?.

I am annoyed because I sometimes just REGRET having met all of these people, I could of just pressed the block button for all of you people in messenger that through the day I waste my time on you and while I'm turning my back you just DEVOUR ME, oh how does it feel now that you're insulting me, or are you just too fucking afraid as to tell me what you really want to say? I am not one to punch someone else for words, but if you got something to say don't hide it, I'm sick of the fact that everyone keeps lying to the others: I was a very simple minded and non selfish person, and then a few months ago my girl had left me, oh wow, the love she felt for me in 2 YEARS, she felt it for someone else IN 4 DAYS AND A PARTY, oh look she didn't even have any single problem fucking telling me how they had sex, oh no not at all, "I just lived my fantasy of doing *insert nasty content here*" and so simple you see yourself saying it, like if you didn't mind what would of my reaction been, no not at all you don't give a damn and then you say that you still love me, after all these days would you say you still love me if you JUST BETRAYED ME? Get a fucking grip on yourself, I saved your life when you were depressive, I gave you NIGHTS, DAYS, YEARS of attention, and you just commit a mistake? as soon as I had heard that I felt so damn empty I just had to admit I was disconcerted, and from then I changed a lot, I started becoming a little more antipathic maybe? I was always keeping my optimism yet I was at the same time so damn careless and unimportant?.

A lot of times people told me that I'm too rough, uncomprehensible, selfish, whiny and egocentric, and what makes YOU any different from the fact that I am one thing if I have my reasons but I just haven't told you what are they? does the fact you think you can judge me makes you a better person, or gives you the reality and facts to say what should I do or what should I act like, when at the end I'll just realize I'm the one hurting myself with these things? who gives a damn about what you think when it's not really something of value to me or to anyone else, stop judging me and live your life, let me be by who I am, I could be a little bitchy sometimes but that's because I have REASONS, you can't just take me and say what I should ride my horse like, so stop pointing out flails on me, I can take advice but when you only have to say what is wrong about me it's best not to even TALK.

And also about some other people, I'm sometimes feeling so STRESSFUL being around all of these people that are just too blind to realize things, I'm not really being specific about anyone but there's a lot of people in the world that just don't know what to do, I know that you may have not been given enough reasons or proper care or something but damnit, learn how to be strong in your life even if you have to do it yourself or by your own meanings, I learned how to be strong by myself so why don't you, you don't know how many tears I've cried before, I could grow WATERMELON FIELDS with my tears. All of you depressive people should just try to get a grip on yourselves and stop acting like you're the bad reason of everything, I'm annoyed that I keep fighting and fighting and you just don't give up on thinking that you're worthless, that you're nothing and that I'm too uncomprehensible because I could only know what it really means from taking it from your experience, oh what do you have to say about it, you people NEVER get facts straight when someone else is too soft, oh maybe I'm not choosing the right words, what do I mind you had your couple leave you before and you're not depressed because you're without him/her. AND WHAT MAKES ME LAUGH ABOUT IT, is that you people usually have a REALLY BAD PAST with them or something, and THEN YOU LEAVE THEM BECAUSE THEY MADE YOU SUFFER SO MUCH, AND NOW THAT YOU ARE THINKING THINGS, YOU ONLY WANT TO GO BACK TO WHAT'S GOOD AND TRY TO COME BACK, WHEN YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS ALREADY TELLS YOU THAT YOU CAN'T GO BACK.

You know that voice in your head that always acts when you're thinking of something? it's called COMMON SENSE, you can't always listen to it but you KNOW when it's doing it, sometimes we just get too blind to even realize what do we have to do, I just want you people to cheer up and see something, I wish you could all just stop being so whiny about everything and put yourself in MY position for a day and then see how it feels not to be depressed, all of those people with lethal sicknesses act like if they had nothing else to live for, oh fucking PLEASE, if you know what's good for you keep living until your expiration date comes or so, just because my destiny is tied to a date now that doesn't mean I'm going to stay there in the corner, crying every damn day about how much my life sucks or that I feel so useless, well guess what, everytime you have someone telling you that you shouldn't do this and that, that prooves you that I'm being fucking CONCERNED ABOUT YOU, and then you tell me I don't have to be like that, then if I wasn't your friend WHAT SHOULD I DO?, do I just levae you there and DIE? Goddarnit NO, I'm still HERE because even if things have gone so damn hard for me or for everyone else I keep sacrificing myself, all of you people that just don't know when to quit one thing should just do a simple experiment and act the complete opposite of what you feel, I know it's not easy but just give yourself a damn pat in the back and TRY, it doesn't matter if it hurts just TRY, it may need more help? it doesn't matter, TRY, failed? TRY AGAIN, don't give in to what bothers you, I know no one will listen but that doesn't mean YOU can't enjoy your life, I'm just trying to make you all realize that.

No one will listen to this rant anyways...*Gives a big sigh* I may be stressed, but I still love all of you, understand I just want the best for you, but damnit, stop turning every of my days into a living hell even if I know I'll make it through, the only way you can realize things, is by making a solution yourself, no one else gives a damn in this world, so save yourself, and stop bothering if all you're going to do is complain, you got brought to life for a damn reason.