Posted

Jul 23rd 2007

Well, it took a while, but I finally got my hands on Nintendo's new system. It’s called the “Wii”. And when I say hands on (even though I didn’t say that earlier), I mean literally. You got your Wiimote and nunchaku : they’re the controls.

Now, with the Wii, it’s not really about thegraphics IT’S REALLY ABOUT SUCKING NINTENDO’S DICK AND PAYING $10 FOR TOUCHED UP ROMS OF GAMES YOU PLAYED AND BEATEN 10 YEARS AGO. YOU GET TO WAVE YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR WHILE YOU PLAY THE SAME OLD SHIT OVER AND OVER AGIAN. DON’T LIKE IT? TOUCH SHIT, THERE’S ONLY 5 ACTUAL GAMES ON THIS “CONSOLE” AND THEY HAVE A LOT OF PIXOLS.

FIRST, YOU MAKE YOUR MII AND IT’S ALSO NOT REALLY ABOUT THE GRAPHICS.PLAY WII SPORTS AFTER MAKING YOUR MII UNTIL YOU GET THE URGE TO MASTURBATE ALL OVER YOUR CONSOLE. BE SURE TO CLEAN UP THE EJACULATE SO THE MOTION CONTROLS RESPOND ACCURATLEY, PLZ. IT’S ALSO NOT ABOUT THE GRAPHICS.

NOW, LET’S TALK ABOUT THE GAMES AND NOT THE GRAPHICS. RAYMAN IS FUN. IT GETS 6.7 OUT OF 5. WARIOWARE IS WACKY AND GOFFY, JUST LIKE BRUCE ALMIGHTY. IT GETS A 3 OUT OF MY ASS. AND THEN THERE’S ZELDA. I’M NOT GONNA EVEN BOTHER EXPALNING A GODDAMN THING ABOUT IT ESPICALLY IF YOU NEVER PLAYED A FUCKIGN ZELDA GAME OR EVE HEARD ABOUT THE FRANCHISE AND IF YOU HAVEN’T YOU’RE A FAGGOT, BY THE WAY, IT’S A FUCKING ZELDA AND IT’S PRETTY DOPE. IT GETS AN 11.9 OUT OF 2.5

SO REMEMBER CAPS LOCK IS CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL AND, IF YOU LIKE WAVING YOUR HANDS AND THE AIR AND DON’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT PIXOLS AND GRAPHICS, BE SURE TO PICK A WII AND NOT CARE ABOUT THE GRAPHICS.

All joking aside I actually has a Wii now. I have TP, Metal Slug(bad controls) and WarioWare. I also have 6000 points, so next time I get to a friend’s house, I’ll be sure to get me some Paper Mario, StarFox 64, Gunstar Heroes and Gradius.