Posted

Jan 19th 2007

Mood

Serious

Music

Behind These Hazel Eyes- Kelly Clarkson

So... I've been seriously thinking about a drastic medical change lately... Those of you who know me well know I have a medical condition called PCOS (Poly-Cystic Ovary Syndrome) which causes me a whole list of lovely issues. Some of what I get to deal with due to this is:
*type 2 diabetes
*raised testosterone count (by at least 5 points)
*lack of normal menstration (I don't bleed, but get yeast infections instead)
*increased hair growth (I don't like admitting it, but I shave, just like a guy)

Those are just what I can think of at this very moment as it's what I deal with on an almost daily basis.

I've been seriously debating looking into a hysterectomy due to this. "Why go to such a drastic measure?" you may ask yourself? Trust me, I've thought long and hard about this... Long and hard. Some of my reasons are purely for my self esteem, I know. But, in the end, I really am thinking about my health.
I know that having it done means no children-ever. But, you know what? I'm ok with that. And I know that certain people in my life are ok with that, too. I also know it means I'd have to take hormone pills, but you know what? I'm ok with that, too. It's a hell of a lot healthier than having to be on birth control all the time for hormone treatment. I've been reading and know that it causes early menopause, and I'm ok with dealing with the hot flashes, night sweats, fatigue, depression, and/or insomnia this brings on.
The only real problem I have (other than actually going to the doctor and talking about it) is insurance and paying for it. From an article I read that was part of a message board, it's expensive... I don't have insurance, which is a very big problem. I'm hoping I can get what my nephew has... However, just because I'm sure it's what I want, that doesn't mean a doctor is going to agree with me.
What I'm looking at, in the long run, is the fact that I know my reproductive system is what's causing my problems. If it's not there, it can't cause problems. Short of giving me the medical maladies, it does very little for one's self esteem. I know there are ways I could potentially boost it that aren't so drastic, but... If I can possibly kill two birds with one stone, I feel it's worth it.

Now, I know what you're thinking. "How can you really be sure it's what you want? And how can you be sure what to expect?" Like I said. I've thought long and hard about this. My aunt had it done, too. I've talked with her about it. I've also been talking with my parents about it. My dad would like me to at least try to have a child before I have it done. However, I don't want one and I think what I want should be most important in all of this. My sister named my nephew something that my dad wanted cuz my dad wanted it. I love him, but if I had a kid just because he wanted me to, what would that really be doing? Giving him a kid that I don't want. How is that fair to the child? It would be something I have to live with my entire life. I can't do that to a child. It's not fair. To the child, nor to myself. So, in short, I'm happy not having kids, so this decision, I think, is right for me...