Posted

Dec 13th 2006

Mood

Sorry

Andrea Jackson.
We first met in Kindergarten.
For several years we were friends, eventually we grew apart after going to different schools.
In high school we ran into each other once again, we've been best friends ever since.
The two of us had been through a lot together.
One of those friends you know you can trust with your life, you know?
There's never been an attraction.
We've never dated.
....
Why did it happen?
December 11th, 2006
First time her and I had seen each other since my family started moving all over the country.
It was a sleepover, I was supposed to be there until tonight.
Took a bus to see her, she lives a couple of hours away.
Not once on that three hour bus ride, not once beforehand had I thought this would happen.
Tanya knew, she knew.
...
Andrea and I had just watchned Grease.
I'd never seen it so she insisted I watch it.
After the movie she showed me her room, the things she drew, photography, knick-knacks, etc.
Decided to go eat.
Had cookies.
Went to the couch to watch TV.
Everything was normal.
Happy to see each other, hugs, laughs, memories, conversation...

Why?
Why?
Why?

As we watch a talk show she gets a text message.
I lean over on her and look over her shoulder to see who it is.
The text is finished, she looks at me.
We stare at each other for a long while..
She leans towards me and my mind goes blank...

We kiss.
We stop.
Kiss...
We stop...

The rest of the night we barely speak to each other.
I tell Tanya yesterday morning.
I almost lost her...
An angel, she is...
A chance to work it out...
A blinded fool who made a mistake.
The stress, the fighting, the bickering, the pain, the suffering, the unhappiness, the doubt, the worries, almost breaking up before, all of it allowed me to allow something disgusting to happen.

The shirt I'm wearing, going to burn it.

The skin around my fingernails.
Picking it has been a habit...doing it now more than ever.

I'm awful..She's a saint..