Posted

Aug 7th 2006

Mood

Angry

Music

D - Yami Yori Kurai Doukaku no A CAPELLA....

I'm just, I'm just annoyed at work right now, I don't really want to be working at the moment, but next week I have been forced to take Friday and Monday off so I figure that is a good time to say, "I deserve it" since I don't take time off except for when i go to AX, and when i can't work because of my schedule....

But I was told that I was going to be needed to do inventory at Moorpark Library, and I said that I was in school but that I could work immediately after I had my final. Well that rolls around and then I'm told that I'm not needed. Then I was told that I might be needed, then again I was told that I wasn't needed, so I was ok with that to an extent. Then I was told this morning that I might be needed to do ten hours of work.... O.o O....K......

Now I've been told that I am deffinately going to be needed, which means that I have to get up early in the morning so that I can go up there with my boss. That also means that I am going to miss one of my co-workers birthday lunch....The only good thing about this is that the money that I would normally have spent for lunch I will be able to save, and this also means that I will also be getting a slightly bigger check...unfortunately not this time around cause I already filled out my time sheet, but that's ok, its money that I will be needed for Yaoi-con. As well as whatever evil Shizuko and Andi have been planning. O.o *ish scared*

I'm mad at my style of drawing, as well as my style of coloring. I guess because I'm in such an angry mood I am dealing with it by taking stabs at my own artwork....Pent up frustration when I see people who color and draw way better than me. I have nothing against anyone, its just I look at their stuff and say, "damn, I wish I could draw/color like that!" Then when I say that and look at my own stuff I sit there and point out all the things that are wrong with it...like my style of drawing just seems wrong and very disporportionate....even when I read books on anatomy it still seems like my stuff comes out wrong. I also complain about my coloring because it just seems so unclean to me...and even though sometimes it can take me weeks to finish a drawing it seems to rushed.....

I often think that I should maybe quit drawing, but I love it so much, its my passion and the rational side of me just says its because I'm just annoyed at things that are going on in my life, and I beleive that whole heartedly...because I know the only way to get better is to keep doing it, keep trying, and just realize the things I need to work on, and never forget to never be afraid of experimenting. Its the only way to get better.