Posted

Nov 25th 2004

Mood

Depressed

Do you know what it's like, a constant happy shell? to have no feeling except the default contentment? to hear yourself screaming from the inside. you could be hanging upside-down from your own noose, death staring you in the eyes and all that escapes from your lips in a grin and laughter echos from your throat.

if my dad ever confronts me about certain things, I think all I'll be able to do anymore is laugh.








forgot to mention I went to the OB-GYN and they couldn't even do a pap. they couldnt get the metal thing in my vagina! ah ha ha. so he says, heres what he says, he say.... "we have to take a pregnancy test because its regulation"

you couldnt fit the smallest metal instrument in there, I doubt I ever fit a penis or anything else up there! if Im pregnant, the I guess it's the Second Coming or aliens made me pregnant...

speaking of which, I can't find the magic in anything anymore... everything seems either pointless or no reason to try and explain it. maybe the meds again? sort of on the same point, christmas seems to have lost all of its meaning. commercialism is disgusting. The birth of Christ doesnt even seem important to people anymore! We're all going to hell in a handbasket!

oh I'm tired now...