Posted

Apr 24th 2006

(Like my last journal, I have posted the following in a couple different places)

I know (quite) a few of you will have been worried about me after that last post. Let me try to explain.

I have had...quite a history of bouts of depression. When I get depressed about something, I get REALLY depressed. Recently (within the past couple of years) it's gotten much worse, to the point at which I have contemplated suicide.

I had never really considered this to be too big of an issue before, because these bouts usually don't last that long and I can act perfectly normal afterwards. But the fact is, I've kept having these bouts, and I think they're getting worse. If I had been any worse today I would have hurt myself.

Now, I have plenty to look forward to. This summer, I'm going to Japan with my mom and San Diego Comic Con International with two very good friends, not to mention the fact that my baby brother will soon come into this world. So, I'm always able to talk myself out of whatever rut or suicidal contemplation I may have had. But I have felt a bit like this might not work forever, that I may eventually end up hurting myself.

So, I am going to get help.

I talked to my mom tonight, and asked her to start looking up different psychiatrists or councellors (other than those I'd visited before). I refuse to take medication of any sort. But I will find someone who can help me figure out why I keep going down this path, and what I can do to stop myself from going down that path in the future.

JoJo says I most likely need more confidence, and I agree with her.

Thank you everyone who has stood behind me, or in front of me. You've been more help than you probably know.