Posted

Jan 16th 2006

Mood

Lonely

Music

"Wings of Faith" - Dead Soul Tribe"

So I went to Johnson State yesterday when we went to drop off my friends back at campus. They gave me the tour (rather April did, and Matt whined about the cold) and I got to meet quite a few of their buddies again. I got immediate huggles from Mac, and met one of the girls that couldn't come to the new years party. All wacky, all very nice.

They kept putting me in various closets. "SHE'S SO SMALL, THEY'LL NEVER KNOW - CAN WE KEEEEEEEEP HER?! " Hehe. I think I know one place I'll feel at home.

Speaking of which, the library on campus is GODLY. It's so fucking huge and beautiful. I think I'll hang out there reguardless of having any studying to do. :3

But, here's the downsides.
The whole time I felt so damn nervous. I always get like that around so many people with no let up. The only 5 minutes of solitude I had was in the bathroom. So two whole days of nothing but very close proximity with dozens of people just about cracked me. They were GREAT, but...

It made me realize that once I go, I'm never going to get any alone time. No matter how much I bitch and whine about not having many friends, sometimes I think I like it better that way, y'know? I like my solitude. Drawing or netsurfing with MY music on, nobody to ridicule me, and doing what really makes me happy.

That, and even though it sounds like a huge load of horse shit, I'm going to miss my mom so much. She may be a few, no maybe ALL the sandwiches short of a picnic, but... She's my mom. There's no one else that I can talk to as freely. I mean hell, what other mom can you call a dirty slut and get a hug as an answer?

I want to go, but I have a feeling the first few weeks will suck hardcore.

If I even get accepted. Heh...