Posted

Jan 9th 2006

Mood

Depressed

Music

Sting - Desert Rose

I... just don't understand. All I wanted was some little fucking love... Some little attention, and all I get is ignorance from others. I mean, why is it so fucking gawddamn hard to, you know, show a little heart? Show a little care for one another? Why do I always have to be the one to suffer for other people's shit? I hvae to put up with all of that ignorance, and allow people to walk all over me? That I can't say something that won't 'hurt' them or trigger anger?! I have a mother like that... She'll get mad over every little thing that doesn't happen her way and at the moment she wants it.

Well, you know what?! I'm sick of it. I am not allowing anyone to walk all over me again, no more miss 'sure, go ahead and take my things, hurt my feelings and other shit like that' miss 'Emotionless' I am.

Earlier... I wanted to start cutting again. Cut myself because I felt that I should be punished! People are luck that I don't think in the opposite direction... thinking that I should take that knife that I had cut myself with, and cut upon someone else! For THEY are the ones who need to be punished!

But, NO I don't think that way. I shall not suffer anymore.

You people have absolutely NO idea of what kind of demon I possess on the inside... And she's not going away anytime soon. Call her 'depression', a 'virus', a 'disease' or 'disorder' or whatever you want to... It doesn't seem that she cares for me or anyone else. I'm the one who allowed her to manifest my mind by merely just exsisting.

Yes, God, his angels and Lucifer and his demons do exist. Hell and Heaven exist. Vampires, Werewolves, and all the like exist if they do. They're not made up, they... I suppose... are hiding from reality. So to make you humans confused. I don't count as human for no matter how many times I try, I am never treated as a human.


So... I am asking you... Yes, YOU, would you think that I miserable bitch like me deserves to be treated as a human?

Or could you care less of my existance? Will you accept me or push me away?