- Posted
- Nov 15th 2004
- Mood
- Upset
- Music
- Paper Tigers - The Chameleons
I feel strange today. I spent almost an hour trying to think about something "happy" and "cute" to talk about in this journal, since that seems to attract the most interest but I can't fake what is. And what is, is I feel... almost like I don't feel anymore. Does that make any sense?
Looking upon so many artists daily, watching my idols and friends grow and progress, makes me wonder why I feel like I'm sitting so still. Why I seem to be stuck in no particular time or place. It's not a logical thing. (Nothing I do even borders on logical
) But I look at thier work.. thier characters, thier "fursonas" if you will. And all the gift art, the lovey dovey art that was made of them and thier loves, or made for them by said love, all bustling in thier little community of snugglies and tails. I seem to be looking at all this through stained glass. I don't know much, if anything really about the Furworld. I don't have a fursona, nor friends to draw them. My "Love" doesn't look at my art. ( Hell even trying to get him stuck to a 5 min conversation is a little like pulling teeth.) And I wonder why I'm detached.
Jealous? Maybe so. Maybe definitely. Maybe I'd like to pack it all up now and say F it. Quit here. Quit DA. Quit everything. But to tell the strict truth, I feel like it's a thin thread of life that I'm clinging to like a child. Clutching the only hint of a life I have. I just wish... I was someone. I wish I could think enough of myself to even HAVE a fursona. To have a lovely character that I can joy and delight in drawing. That would enchant everyone. Am I mental?
Thanks for letting me speak my mind. I do apologize for the cut of my jib lately. But I can't ignore this nagging feeling. And I feel like something is going to happen at the end of this week.. for better or worse, I'm not sure. I'm anxious.. but glad to be here to vent.
The Burning Donut Says:
I can relate I can't eving get inspired latly...as fo "Improving I think you'v done quit well and I you don't NEED a furrsonna allthough it can be fun making one.
crimsonjassic Says:
I don't mean to go off-topic, but how do you pronounce your name? Is it "vero-da-her" or "vero-dar" or "vero-da-hare" or "veroder"? I think "veroder" sounds coolest. :3
Btw, if it's any consolation, I don't have my own personal character (or "fursona"). Does that bother me? Uh, no. There's plenty of stuff to draw out there originally other than original stuff (i.e. I've never ever seen anyone draw like this before:
http://www.sheezyart.com/view/67345/
That's a great drawing. Even if it's fanart, it's original.
And relationships are overrated.
Ein Says:
I think really, you just summed up alot of peoples feelings. In every community, furry, anime, what ever circles form. Small circles of influance, and they eventually bleed into eachother creating a sort of elitest class. And when you have that there are always people looking in from the outside.
"Fursonas" usually come about through role playing. I know thats how mine did, I needed a character for a game a few years ago. So I came up with Ein and as I did art and stuff the name just kind of stuck. So yeah, it's not any special thing.
At anyrate I identify with your sentiment pretty strongly. That feel of stagnation, and of feeling like you're kind of on the outs. I haven't really found a solution to it. Other then that if they won't let you in all you can really do is learn to love the outdoors, or build your own circle.
Best of luck.
KentoKim Says:
you know, i'm always somewhere if you need to talk. i miss having you around in SL, you know. it really made my day to see you online.
anyway, what i think, is you need to be with your friends. find them, talk with them, hang out with them. and just try to ignore the bullshit. and as long as you just don't try to hard or too little, it'll all be ok.
yeah... i feel like im incomplete too... thats why i create characters, to be the person i wish i could be...
cheer up please, for all those who are upset/depressed.
nobuyuki Says:
there are people who blahblah about themselves or try to get all personal in response to your message, verodaher, but I don't know if any of their messages will really reach out to you and tell you what you want to hear. On the other hand, I think you're a cool person, and I think you deserve to be watched. Don't know why I never did it before, but it's the least I can do since you did me the pleasure of adding me to your watch list X3
kandlin Says:
What you feel is i think what many artists feel. That hole, that incomplete feeling, it's something that tends to drive us to want to be better than we are, to improve on ourselvs and the world. As an artist, it's never easy to spend hours on something very dear and intimate and the show it to others, bareing our soul in the shadows of truly great and inspireing masters of the art.
Self improvment is hard, and it's even harder to see. Keeping sketch books is good, because you can always pull your third or fourth one back off the shelf and reafirm that you have imporved.
And whatever you want to post in your journal is cool. It's great hearing what you are thinking and feeling, both good and bad. Hang in there. And your art is fantastic, even if you have trouble seeing that now.
opiums opiates Says:
*idolizes*
hobbesdawg Says:
I'm there whenever you wana chat as well. Miss you in SL, but also miss just chattin with you in im... Try to stay above the waters.