Posted

Oct 30th 2005

Mood

Overwhelmed

Music

Michiru Oshima - Betsuri

Some of us may be aware that the character this account was named after is married. Fewer of us are aware that this character's husband is a manifestation of the person I've loved for almost two years now. We've run into a few bumps here and there, but overall, we've had a strong relationship.

These last couple months, however, I'm not so certain. It feels like my dearest is gradually becoming more and more distant, and I can't be certain why. I've asked him about it, or at least tried to, and he's never really answered me. I'd pry, but I don't like to do that; I prefer to respect his right to his privacy. I just wish he wouldn't leave me in the dark so much. I've told him numerous times that if something bothers him to just tell me, but I think he's refused for less than proper reasons. I can't help but think he's assumed me far stupider than I am, and I don't like it.

Today has been an especially terrible day for me. He's been most of the reason; the other has been the newspaper office I deliver for. Almost everything concerning my papers went wrong today. First they were late, or so I thought, until calling and finding out that the bundles had never even made it on the truck. Then, when I was finally able to actually deliver them, we found out partway through that one of them was all sports sections, and nothing else.

Now, my dear boyfriend wanted me to deliver them like that anyway, but as a carrier, I can't do that. It's my job to make sure the papers I'm delivering are first complete, and then that they make it to everyone on my route list. I explained to him that I couldn't leave them as they were, and he immediately started an inward temper tantrum. I was originally supposed to be getting help on both routes, but after that, he refused to help me at all.

After the first route, he even just dropped the backpack with my other bundle right in the middle of the driveway, rather than hand it to me, and went inside. I took that as a prompt to just head right out on the other half of my job, which I did, on bike. When I was done, I stopped by the stream that runs under one of the streets in the area, and settled down near the beaver dam a few yards away from the road, where I decided to stay there and let him think awhile; see if he ever realized just how silly he was reacting to things that weren't even my fault. I wasn't going to stay as long as I did, but I started to think on the situation myself while there.

I first passed the time by grabbing up rocks from the path off the road to study and then throw into the stream when I grew bored of their appearance. Once I lost interest in that (I have ADHD, so it didn't take long), I moved over to the other side, where I tried exploring the more open area, which I will assume was marshland, until I couldn't go any further without stepping on thickets of grasses too sparse to hold my weight and keep my feet dry. I made my way back as a result, crossed the street again, and sat back down in my original spot, where I watched the water for a little while.

Once I became bored with that, I leaned back against the thick overgrowth of grass behind me and curled up, hoping that perhaps I could better pass the time through sleeping. Sadly, I could never get to sleep; it must've been too cold, and myself too thinly dressed. It was probably in the forties, and I wore no coat --just a corduroy overshirt. I know this sounds pretty unintelligent, but first off, I'm pretty resistant to the cold --I'm more a winter person than a summer person-- and second, I didn't feel cold enough while I was still at home to go in and grab a coat. As such, I just dealt with it.

Someone with a pickup truck stopped by eventually, asking if I was alright. I said I was as an automatic reaction, and after confirming that with me, he continued on his way. I either wasn't convincing enough, or someone else decided to take notice as well, because after a little while, a police cruiser stopped in front of the path. The officer driving it asked me my name, what was bothering me, and then for some sort of identification. As he handed me back my driver's permit, he told me someone had called about my being there, and then offered to bring me home.

At first, I declined, until, after standing for a few moments, I started shivering, at which point I somewhat reluctantly agreed it would be prudent if I were driven home. On the way back, we encountered my current love interest, and then the officer drove us both back to my house. Since he'd apologized on the way back, I thought that would be the end of today's... 'turbulence', but I apparently was sadly mistaken.

Not five minutes after we got back did he start treating me like a pissant, and he wouldn't tell me what the problem was this time. I wasn't in the mood to sit there and once again become the target of 'idiot' comments, so I went upstairs to my room, where I curled up and fell into another spell of sobbing. A minute or so later, I heard the front doors open and close, and mom came in, telling me that he and his friend had left. I cried for nearly the next hour.

Of all things, he considered me an idiot without explanation minutes after getting home, and then left without a word. He never even said a thing to my mother. Are we no longer worth his slightest concern in life? Am I suddenly as worthless as the dust in his eyes? I wish I could discern, but... I guess I'm afraid to try. I just want to know what happened to the boy I fell in love with almost two years ago.