Posted

May 12th 2005

Mood

Overwhelmed

Music

ghost man on third. tbs

Bottom is what i have just hit. Yesterday was pretty bad... iam sorry ppl u have to read me being soo down, but this is what there is, believe me, i feel bad about it.

prozac county ... yup i have been welcomed to the world of anti-dep, as long as it helps its going to be good. At least i havent cried yet, so far so good its been working. i need to save tears, thus water thus the mother earth... so i would be earth concious.
Ironically the pill is the same color as my shirt.

mom found out, i think she got the idea that i was depressed i just dont think she wants to deal with it cuz its too stressfull for her, neither i want her to worry her, then she might think its something she needs to deal with and its not.

I was offered vacations by her but i said i dont know... the thing is i dont want ppl to think this is a tantrum about vacations because its not... Though i need a break badly, i wish i could get a rest of my head n life for a while , it wouldn`t be bad... i have been thinking i might take on the offer, although i know i can run but i cant hide - everything will catch up with me eventually ... as it always does, then the lyrics of song bent comes to my mind.

Its this weariness or heaviness that is part of me, that i always have despite that i can be happy or fun, but now it has taken over everything and i just cant make it go away. I realised i have this feeling forever only this time is not going away...

G also suggest someone to go talk to, said that would help too.. i wouldnt mind, cuz it would be, like good.

I talked to Alfonso and Lucia, both told me go to go ... obviously going to Beatriz is another good option... then again going to spain seems more like it, cuz i wouldnt be alone ever.
A said : my mom adores you, she would be more than happy to have you here.

Well see who it works out, at least prozac is helping for now so i can hold on a bit more ...

I am wearing my hair loose again, still loving chai lattes and dreaming about running off to give my mind some rest... yup thats m.e.