Posted

May 4th 2005

Mood

Gloomy

V_V I'm really not feeling to well at the moment. So the only thing that may help is to blare out some of my problems.

* I can't draw worth crap at the moment. When I try to, I get a piece of shit, and it makes me feel worse. So I can't get half of these trades off my back, or they'll all look like shit.

* As of september, I will be a legal adult. That should be a good thing, but my parents will be on a cruise in Alaska, and I will be home alone. No parties, no one to invite, can't get stoned...

* No source of decent income. All I get for spending money is about $20 a month (and that's if I'm lucky). I was saving for something very special, but it looks like it may not happen...

* After over 2 years of searching, I have given up searching for a job. Obviously, No one has a use for me

* I feel completely usless and distant. I look around and see everyone skyrocketing, but I'm stalled about 10 miles back and wanting a good pick me up. I'm more than happy to help anyone else who needs it, but that's all I seem to be good for.

* Drawing skills haven't picked up to the level I want to reach. It takes forever for me to get something remotley close to what I want, and still am not satasfied.

* I still have to get rid of my pet bird. I really don't want to, but having to kill about 4 moths a day and the occasional worm really doesn't do much for moralle. ANd he was the only pet I have ever had.

* Going to have to loose some people that live very close to me.
My friend that lives across the street has diverged in interests, and it's hard to talk to him (then again, when you sit in his room and wait for 30 mins for him to come back, and he doesn't. Then you go out to find him, and everyone thought you left the house an hour ago, it should be a message). He was the first person I could call a "friend."
The other people (who I met by my mom inviting them to my graduation party) are basically a bunch of bible thumpers. Yeah, I went to some of their bible studies, but left feeling like a piece of crap. To to that off, the last few times I have seen them, they have tried to ge me to go to youth services. God... i don't know whether to just stop seeing them, or to tell them off...

* Just recently, my dad actually said that because I have been feeling bad, the entire house is miserable. Way to make an only child feel better, by blaming him for everything bad cause he's feeling real depressed. *Sarcastically* I'm astonished that you didn't notice the depression about 2 weeks ago, numbnuts.

*Avoids exploding*

One of the few things saving me from udder depression is coloring other pepoles work. But even that isn't helping, as the stuff I color gets much more attention that the stuff I do myself. I may as well become "The coloriser" since the stuff I color for other people looks much better than what I draw and color myself.

I guess... I may as well shut down and become a usless emotional vegetable. I know that I'm a real nice person inside, but it's getting real hard to maintain any sort of hope and joy. Any kind of moralle boost anyone can offer will be greatly appreciated.

Besides, it's not like anyone read this far anyways.