Agent Got Back!

Agent Got Back!

Agent Got Back



Disclaimer: I don't own Selina Enriquez (of course not!) or her fan character Helena, and I certainly don't own Agent Smith or the actual song. I just own the songfic. Be nice pleeeeeease!!!



[Selina and Helena are sitting on a bench in the Matrix, when Smith comes strolling along. Both their jaws drop as they stare at him. A breakdancer nearby places out a mat neatly on the sidewalk, and places a boom-box in the cornor. With a push of a button, the music starts playing.]

Helena
Oh... my... god.
Selly, look at his butt.
It is sooooooo cute.

Selina
He looks like,
One of those French guys' buddies.
But y'know, who understands those French guys?

Helena
They never talk to him because,
He looks like sooo sexy, 'kay?
I mean, his butt, is just sooooo cute.

Selina
I can't believe it's just so round, it's like,
out there, I mean - sexy. Look!
He's just so ... hot!

[The breakdancer turns around to face the viewers. It is non other than... *gasp* Rose! She starts doing a spiffy dance routine while singing]

Rose
I like Smith's butt and I cannot lie,
You other agents can't deny,
When Smith walks in with that cute li'l face
And that sexy thang in your face,
You get SPRUNG!

[Rose jumps towards the people, stomps her feet at the same time, then starts doing freaky arm movements]

Rose
Wanna pull up tough
'Cause you notice that butt was stuffed
Deep in those pants he's wearin'
I'm hooked and I can't stop starin'

[Smith notices something strange, halts for a moment to ponder, then shrugs it off]

Rose
Oh baby, I wanna get wit'cha
And take your picture

[she glances at Selina and Helena]

Rose
My homegals tried to warn me
But with that butt you got-

Helena
*yells*
Makes me feel so horny

[Selina and Helena jump off the bench and join Rose on the mat as back-up dancers]

Rose
Ooh, Rump-o'-smooth-skin
You say you wanna get in my Benz?

Selina
Well, use me, use me
'Cause you ain't that average hottie

[Smith glances over his shoulder and sees the three girls dancing. It is beginning to freak him out.]

Smith
I've seen them dancin'
The hell with romancin'
They're sweat, wet,
Got it goin' like a turbo 'Vette

Rose
I'm tired of magazines
Sayin' Neo's butt is the thing

[Persephone walks down the street]

Helena
Take the average French gal and ask her that
He gotta pack much back

[Agent Johnson, Seraph, and the Mercury Twins jump onto the mat]

Rose
So, fellas!

Johnson/Seraph/Twins
Yeah!

Rose
Fellas!

Johnson/Seraph/Twins
Yeah!

Rose
Has that agent got the butt?

Johnson/Seraph/Twins
Hell yeah!

Selina
Tell 'em to shake it!

Johnson/Seraph/Twins
Shake it!

Selina
Shake it!

Johnson/Seraph/Twins
Shake it!

Rose
Shake that sexy butt!
Agent got back!

[Rose and company do a spiffy dance rountine]

Selina
Agent got back!

[Seraph, Johnson and the Twins walk away, but Rose, Selina and Helena continue to dance around like 80's rappers/breakdancers. Smith sits on the bench and watches.]

Rose
I like 'em round, and big
And when I'm throwin' a gig
I just can't help myself,
I'm actin' like an sentinel!

Selina
Now here is my scandal
I wanna get you home

Helena
And ugh, double-up, ugh, ugh

[Smith takes off his shades and gawks in shock]

Rose I ain't talkin' bout The One
'Cause Neo's just no fun
I want 'em real thick and juicy
So find that juicy double
The Matrix is in trouble
Beggin' for a piece of that bubble

[Niobe and Trinity walk by the girls dressed like groupies]

Selina
So I'm lookin' at Matrix videos
Watchin' these bimbos walkin' like hoes
Smith can't have them bimbos
He'll keep his women like Flo Jo

Helena
A word to the thick Agent Smith-ah,
I wanna get with ya
I won't cuss or hit ya

Selina/Rose
But I gotta be straight when I say I wanna [Matrix censor]

[Smith drops his shades and continues to gawk while the girls do a spiffy dance routine]

Rose
Til the break of dawn
Smithy got it goin' on
A lot of fangirls won't like this song
'Cause them punks like to hit it and quit it
And I'd rather stay and play
'Cause I'm long, and I'm strong
And I'm down to get the friction on


[Trinity, Niobe and Persephone jump onto the mat and start dancing with Rose, Helena and Selina]

Selina
So, ladies!

Rose/Helena/Trinity/Niobe/Persephone
Yeah!

Selina
Ladies!

Rose/Helena/Trinity/Niobe/Persephone
Yeah!

Selina
If you wanna role in Smith's Mercedes

Rose/Helena/Trinity/Niobe/Persephone
Yeah!

Selina
Then turn around!

Helena
Stick it out!

Rose
Even human gals gotta shout:

Rose/Helena/Selina/Trinity/Niobe/Persephone
Agent got back!
Agent got back!

[Smith nearly falls off the bench, but stands up and straightens himself out. Trinity, Persephone and Niobe run off when Smith walks over to the girls]

Smith
Yes well ... when it comes to females, Neo ain't got nothin' to do with my selection.
36-24-36? Ha ha, only if she's 5'3".

[Rose notices Smith comign towards her and keeps singing]

Rose
So your Agent rolls a Honda,
Playin' "kill-the-one" tapes by Fonda
But Fonda ain't got a motor in the back of his Honda

Smith
My anaconda don't want none

Selina
Unless you've got buns, hon!


Helena
You can do side bends or sit-ups,

Rose
But please don't lose that butt

Selina
Some fangirls wanna play that "hard" role
And tell you that the butt ain't go

Helena
So they toss it and leave it
And I pull up quick to retrieve it

Rose
So Neo says you're old,
Well ain't that so bold?!
'Cause your voice is sleek and your looks are kickin'
And I'm thinkin' bout stickin'
To the Agent love in the Matrix:
You're the man, Mr. Smith!

Smith
Give me a sista, I can't resist her
Red beans and rice didn't miss her

[The girls pull Smith into the center of the mat and start dancing around him]

Selina
Some knucklehead tried to dis,
'Cause Smith is on my list,
They had game but he chose to diss 'em,
And I pull up quick to get wit 'em

Rose
So Smith, if yer butt is round,
And you want a triple X throw down,

Helena
Dial 1-900-SMITHALOT
And kick them nasty thoughts

Rose/Selina/Helena
Agent got back!
Agent got back!

[Smith shrugs it off and starts to dance with the girls]

Rose
Little in the middle but he got much back

Selina
Little in the middle but he got much back

Helena
Little in the middle but he got much back

Smith
Little in the middle but I got much back

[the music halts and everyone poses]

Fin ^^