The Legend of ZeroMega

All eyes will be on ZeroMega, who is representing the United States of America. ZeroMega has already won 6 medals here. Here they come now, ZeroMega looks a little shy as he gets ready to race. And they're off! ZeroMega and Axxana (Accana's evil super spy double oh henry agent brother) are neck and neck as they near the finish line. The crowd is on their feet ejaculating from the excitment. ZeroMega has WON! IT'S A WORLD RECORD!

It sure is a soap-a-rific day for ZeroMega and all the people from the United States of America who live together. But unfortunately this is not the root of the legend of ZeroMega, oh no! This goes farther back. 29 years back to be precise. It all started on that fateful night.

We took a camping trip together. In our backpacks, we carried hyphopodiums, strawberries and one wooden plank.

"No, let's follow them anyway" suggested 2ndStamp. We shanked for hours and then I screamed, "ROBOT ROCK!" and for a moment there, I though I had spotted a huge finger out in the distance.

"Roojoo!" we heard from behind us. It was Randy, Mr. Solem himself

"Roojoo!" we all said. Don't worry there are lots of them here along the New York River, besides Axxana is miles away and can't hear a word we're saying, unless he uses some sort of high-tech spy keyboard or something to that effect.

"Do I look like a huge finger to you? Anyways, since you're all here I need you to help me look for my teethes" replied Randy

"WTF IS A TEETHES" accused Eggshells. Randy then picked up a picnic basket and bashed the child's head in until all he could remember was orange citrusy smoothness.

*enter the child's memories*

It was a hot winter morning and my uncle ZeroMega and aunt Shuko said they would take me and my sister Zonic on a trip to Califrontario.

"I hope you packed plenty of vanilla extract for the ride" said Uncle ZeroMega with an oddly happy grin. So we all piled into Uncle ZeroMega's 1986 Toyota Corola and we sand until Uncle beat us for not shutting up. After 23 hours, we had eaten all the vanilla extract and Zonic was getting fidgety. So I asked, "Are we almost there?"

"Yes, Randolopopoliss", replied Auntie Shuko. I saw a sign that said Tokyo Ahead, 2 Miles.

"Ummm...Uncle ZeroMega, I'm pretty sure Tokyo isn't on the way to Califrontario?"

"Yeah", said my sister Zonic, pointing "And I'm pretty sure Accana's face isn't on the way either?"

"STFU KIDS!" Uncle ZeroMega politely screamed whilst beating his children. "You can trust the expert"

*fast forward in kids mind to another moment in his life*

This morning my nameplate broke. What a day! I can't believe after all the years I've spent saving up for enough money to pay my father permission to ask him if it was possible that he could allow me to go through the garbage and find a nameplate. I was so pissed off that it took me 5 weeks to get the courage to ask, and when I finally did I was intertouching the cafeteria lady who had just stepped in some funny bundles. I tried so hard to get that mess off my shoes. The only thing left to do was to baptise the honey hams and the ionized carrots. Thankfully, Psycosis had some concealers handy and I was able to crizzle instead of skiting.

Oh crap, I just realized I left my sock in my pack. I'd better go back but I don't want the Judge to see me. Oh great, he saw me. SHIT! I better whip this baseball cap at his daughter's doll house. KRACKAPOWOROTY! phew, that was close

*fast forward even more into kids mind*

Here is the newcomer to the sport. It seems that they like to listen to the radio a whole lot. Oh no, the crocodiles are roaming free. It's all over the news. They are flooding the oriental sky. NO they are evolving underwater, and they have hostages. Will the people have the courage to slice up all the artwork before the Queen finishes here brunch? I honestly don't think so, but we can't give up now. We have to make sure those crocodiles don't realize that once underwater they can smile with ease and never be emotional about anything ever again. Oh the crocodilian despair.

It seems the taxpayers aren't able to the finalize the payment. But with new TaxpayerO's you can have the breakfast for eternal souls and STILL have time to finalize the payment. Isn't that just haknockohniny? But unfortunately that cereal just isn't enough, it won't be a complete transmografocation unless the mayor of Crocodilia can escape the person he has become and take off the Mardi Gras mask that society has bestown upon him. Once he achieves that, the doors to the arcade will open and children from around the globe will feature seizures just as 2ndStamp, Psycosis, Eggshells, and Accana (not Axxana) have all because they didn't know how much it was to buy a vowel and weren't sure it was a very safe investment, what with the unsuccessful emulation going on in the past month or so. This book chase is over.

The pills will move down south and in the north there will be no more pills that much severity ever again. *insert violin music here with big 80's "fixing the car before dad gets home" montage*

And that's how ZeroMega defeated the alien race, became Vice President of Crocodilia, had a nice long visit back in time in the 1940's with the cigarette people and saved the day from behind shaved.

YE OLDE ENDE