Dr. Weil's Tips For Living Well

Dr. Weil's Tips For Living Well

Dr. Weil's Tips For Living Well

Now, if you're like me, you enjoy being an overlord over the last vestiges of civilization. Seriously, who doesn't enjoy that kind of luxury? No one in their right minds, that's for sure! But let me tell you, that job is a lot of hard work. And the stress? Don't get me started. Anyway, I've compiled my best fifteen tips and ideas for the up and coming overlord to help make his or her life easier, happier, and more fun!

1) First of all, you want to get yourself some insurance. Being an evil villian is not a safe line of work. Me? I recommend getting sentenced to suffering immortality. Then, basically you never have to worry about getting hurt again! Talk about a big load off your back! But watch out for any life insurance agents. Those guys are freakin' sharks.

2) It's important to practice your evil laugh whenever possible, especially when transmitting broadcasts to the ignorant public around you. Plus, it's always good to laugh. It's good for the soul, after all.

3) Make sure to build lots of Doomsday Weapons. That way, if you start getting bored, you can remedy that right away. It's constructive destructiveness!

4) If there are any young, good looking, female scientists in the city you plan on taking over, make sure they are locked away in your dungeon or are wearing cement shoes before you begin your reign. Those damnable good looking, female scientists are some of the most frustrating things in the world. It's better just to be rid of them. (Unless, of course, they work for you. Then it's all milk and cookies.)

5) Building copies of ancient heroes to impress the natives is always a great idea! It provides endless hours of amusement as the confused populace worships him and you get closer to your ultimate goal! Just make sure they don't have a stuttering problem. You have NO idea how irritating that gets. I swear, I wanted to beat that little blue tin can's skull in! It was like nails on a chalkboard! I couldn't freakin' stand... damn it, where was I?

6) Oh yeah. Number six. I recommend dealing with any resistance pockets swiftly. If you know where their base is, use of your little Doomsday Weapons on them. It'll be funny to watch them crumple apart like a tin can. Do not let them build a full base with guns and everything. Then you get a really big source of stress. If that happens, I recommend a vigorous full body massage followed by a nuclear holocaust.

7) Putting a little chamomile in your coffee in the morning is a very soothing way to start the day. I highly recommend it.

8) Oh yeah. If rumor has it of a legendary Reploid existing somewhere, you should find it and kill it. Preferably with a Doomsday Weapon. Use three if that Reploid has long hair and a beam sword. Use five if he's working with and aforementioned beautiful, young, female scientist. That may seem like overkill, but believe me. Legendary Reploids have more lives than an anime martial artist. Trust me, doing this will make your quality of life skyrocket. Not to mention the tears of the innocent... ah, funnier than kicking puppies.

9) Scented candles in your lab. Nothing like the fresh scent of sandlewood to make the mind wander.

10) Start your conquest desires early. In fact, if you can, start them a hundred years in advance! This gives you plenty of time to earn a reputation an make you popular among other villians. You'll be the life of the party! That is, unless some pretty boy Reploid with a pansy rapier puts a lampshade on his head and dances the Electric Slide while drunk. ...Friggin Elpizo, stealing my thunder.

11) There's always time for Hammer Time. Remember that.

12) Should there be a way to control all the Reploids in the world, do it. And then you can make them fight each other like morons. Nothing like pointless violence to brighten one's life, eh?

13) Make sure you drink your milk. Building strong teeth and bones is vital to being a healthy evil overlord!

14) Should your ancient hero have loyal servants that will inevitably betray you, pull some pranks on them first. You're going to lose 'em anyway, and if you don't kill 'em, you might as well have a bit of fun. Heh, you should've seen when I put a snake in Leviathan's closet. Priceless.

15) Most importantly, enjoy what you do! If you don't, you'll be a sucky, angsty, whiny villian. No one likes them. Because they suck.

There now. I hope you better understand both what it takes to be an evil overlord, and to live well while doing it. It's really not that hard. Just watch out for pretty boys, take your vitamins, and subjugate both human and Reploidkind with an iron fist. As for me?

It's Hammer Time.