and yet...

by ace

in Completed Works

< 'michael' by ace

and yet...

.I tried
.to put to paper lofty thoughts, but –
.they…
.You, you blamed the damp.
.But I?
.I blame my hands…
. Well, and that red which poisoned me
.Did you know?
.Evil is not a thing.
. It is a place.
.It is where neither of us belong.
.Not you,
. …because of your correction
.nor I.
. …because of error
.And what of love?
. It is not real, you fool.
.It is a promise made
.to sinners
.who have nothing left
.to gain,
.to lose.
. Would you know it is a promise I held to?
. But no more.
. No more.
.I have starved,
. the dagger
.I have slept,
. beneath the rosary
.I have dozed,
. in and out of grace
.I have found your purpose.
.So, we come to the crux of the thing.
. Take, die?
. Give, die?
.Synonyms are the chains,
.misunderstanding the key to it all.
. Do you enjoy the struggle?
.I adore your wounds.
.But reciprocation is obsolete.
.
.
.And yet you bleed.
> irony

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Nov 9th 2004
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the motives behind the undead.





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i normally wouldn't ask for this, but please, i implore you all, give me some insight here. i'm going to be entering in a poetry/prose contest being put on by the transylvanian society of dracula, and i'm seriously contemplating submitting this. but it needs so much reworking it's not even funny. i just don't know where to begin.

image©gnato-stock

Comments

FlamelessNight Says:

i really like this..its well writen, if you keep at it youll get it just the way you want it to be but i think its good to enter into that contest this way

batshitloony Says:

I personally like it as is. I'm really likin' the structure. It works so well with the poem and buts a certain beat to the words that I think brings it all together. Well, it sounded really good in my head, at least. Language in this was beautiful!