To Really Love Yourself

To Really Love Yourself

Beginning Note: This is about self-love, AKA masturbation in the form of a mature personally opinionated rant. There are no swear words or crude insults or derogatory comments in this rant (okay, two kind of crude words but their not rude the way their used... you'll see. and their only used once). All words used to described body parts and such are the terms used in your politically correct human biology science books from junior and high school. As far as words are concerned and topic this rant is PG-13, but since self-love is a touchy topic it has been rated R to satisfy the easily flustered. It is based on personal opinion and un-precise data that I have learned here and there from the right sources enough to pretty much see it, as far as I am concerned, as true. Thus it is not a political paper and cannot be used as such. Also, as a rant, there are large holes in correct use of grammar and essay set up. Anyone picks at this, I will remind you this is a RANT, something that flows from the fingers and is left fairly raw. This is not an attack on anyone as much as it is a moral question for everyone. You do not have to read this if you don't want to, and I actually encourage anyone who doesn't want to read this to close this window and not come back. For the rest, read, enjoy my ranting, and leave a comment when your done if you like. No flames please. If there is a flame, ignore it. Enjoy.


<center>When You Can Truly Say You Love Yourself</center>


What is the problem with self-love? Sorry, but this is a recent irk of mine... scratch that, it's been a long time irk of mine.

Why are people always so... twitchy about talking about masturbation? Or at least female masturbation. Though male masturbation a bit to. I haven't found one person beside my dad and my step mom I can talk to about it seriously without making them uncomfortable about the topic matter, because let's face it, my family is a very mature and open(almost to the point of 'To Much Info', but I'll take that any day over staunch clueless ness beyond what one learns in the schoolyard). We all have lively libido's and we all know it, thus we don't mind talking about them in a mature way because it's pretty much genetic... so not talking about it openly and honestly would be like wearing coloured contacts and refusing to admit to the fact that your eyes are a different colour then the contacts no matter what. I'm quite sure anyone with enough brain cells to do basic math will think 'well, that's stupid! You cna't lie about your eye colour!’ and yes it is, which is why to us, and specifically to me, not talking about self-love is stupid. BUT, while my family is great and all, I want to talk to OTHER PEOPLE about it, and see what the rest of the world is up to. I'd like to meet OTHER very mature and open people out there to certify that we're not some alien anomaly.

But it seems most of the young female population I talk to are up to nothing, and we ARE an alien anomaly as far as my findings so far have pointed to.

I myself will openly admit that I have been proudly masturbating since I was 13 years old. And before you go all gaspy and all 'but you were to young for that!' let me tell you how many girls in my grade were already having sex, two of them were pregnant by years end, and one was engaged (yeah, THAT was weird) and you would be AMAZED that most of them didn't even know what masturbation was, let alone a clitoris. And YES, I am going to be using proper terms for the body parts and not slang. It's a clitoris, it's a penis, they're breasts, that's an anus, and WEEE aren't they fun and good to be proud of having or not having! Back to the main topic, I think sticking my hands between my legs and massaging is a lot less harm full then shacking up without proper protection both physically and mentally, because let's face it, you can be mature as you want to be when your a tween (*shudder* I really don't like that term for some reason) but you will never be mature enough at that time to have a proper, healthy, sexual relationship. If you do not know your own body, don't let someone else use it. It will lead to all sorts of trouble. Masturbation is a way to discover what your mind and body likes and to be intimate with your partner without having sex by sharing in the experience. As such, I am quite sure I came to be a 14 year old with a better appreciation and understanding for my body and my sexual mind then most of my classmates would ever achieve in their lifetimes.

What disappoints me is the large number of women and men, both young, mid-age, and older that refuse to talk about masturbation, or only as a halting, giggly, whispered, short and embarrassing thing. Well, to give men some credit, guys will talk with guys about masturbation in so many slang terms and rude gestures when goofing around, but talking with a woman about it, and never as a serious conversation. All my experiences with the cross-gender talk of 'your favorite hand' have quickly turned into mumbling and dying conversations of embarrassment as far as the guy is concerned. Masturbation seems to be a no-no topic even when we can fairly openly as young and mid-age adults talk about detailed sex acts, positions, kinks, and other such things that are quite to numerous to list here and now. There is still a cloak of shame that seems to stick to the term and the act left over from the days of threats of blindness, hairy palms, and God being used as an absolute entity of anti-sex-for-pleasure. Maybe it's a personal opinion, but I don't think God would have made sex pleasurable if we weren't allowed to have it beyond reproduction. He'd just give us something like tree pollination or something if sex were only for reproduction. BUT to continue.....

There is NO NEED for this feeling of shame. I had it a bit when I was younger, because as far as I knew, I was the only one that masturbated regularly instead of hooking up with a boyfriend to satisfy myself by making out and end up breaking some guys heart or my own by getting all messed up in hormonally fused relationships that lasted as long as a butterfly in a snow storm. By the time I was 15 though I knew that while girls like me were rare, they did exist, but were to ashamed to admit and share. But that's a step above of most girls I know that are too ashamed to even try, and some who are still convinced that it is a form of self-mutilation.

Masturbation is not a form of self-mutilation, physically or mentally. It is actually probably one of the most wonderful and healing things you can do to yourself, be you male or female. For females masturbating regularly can help decrease menstruation pain when your period comes (I can attest to this, it's worked for me quite well). For guys, your testes make 2 million sperm a day, empty them out every once in awhile so you decrease crowding and mutations, and keep your pipes clean, working, from popping up at inconvenient times, and if done right can help you 'last' later on. Now, for guys, don't over do it or you'll wear it out and cause early ejaculation and low sperm count. And NO that cannot be used as a safe sex practice . For BOTH sexes masturbation helps control hormone balance, is a great mental and physical stress release, and as previously mentioned helps you find out what your mind and your body likes. It is also a good way to be intimate with your boyfriend/girlfriend/friend-with-benefit s without having sex if you are to young, un-prepared, or just not ready yet but still want to be intimate sexually somehow. If you want to learn more about this in more detail, look it up in a certified sexual health web site. And no, pornography sites are NOT certified sexual health sites, even though they can later help you practice with the information you have found at a real sexual health web site.

A break from the rant:
I can hear the flamers preparing themselves to fire now. And I'm nowhere near done. Put your flamethrowers away and read the rest so you can go full throttle latter. And everybody, don't reply to them. Flamers need something to burn to keep going, don't give them more fuel. Hopefully I'm giving them enough that they'll spontaneously self-combust.

Back to the rant:

Anyway, to repeat what I said at the beginning of this rant, I am quite proud I masturbate. Always have been. That does not make me a slut. That is another stigmatism put to masturbation along with the false 'self-mutilation' and 'shame'. It's the 'self-depreciation' stigma where the belief is if you masturbate, you are either then consequently 'loose' or do not believe in yourself enough to get a sexual partner. This is based around the myth that if you masturbate you loose your virginity. The lose of virginity is defined as having intercorse with another person. Masturbation is not intercorse even though it sometimes simulates it (this depends on what pleases you enough to reach orgasm). I personally have barely ever gone out on dates, and have never even got to second base with anyone. I'm the only one of my friends that is still virgin at the fully-legal-for-everything-age-in-Canada of 19. AND CHOOSE TO BE. Oh, mind you, when I find the right partner it's gone, but I haven't found him/her/them yet, so it's not going to happen. When I moan and groan about not having a partner, it's about not having THE RIGHT partner, I won't just take anyone. I just have very defined standards that haven't been met yet, and I'm not ready. That's a personal, individual agenda that is different for everyone and has nothing to do with this. As for boys, this isn't such a big issue with you, but if you do fee lshame and feel you shouldn't have to masterbate if your in a relationship because that should satisfy you, don't believe it. Just don't let it run your life, just let it be a part of it. Masterbation is very much natural for you, and no amount of sexual activity can really tkae it's place. OH, to step back a moment and make things clear here before someone goes off raving about it, I DO NOT believe that girls or boys who do have sex are sluts/whores/players/otherderogitory comments. I say good for them if that's what their comfort level is up to, someday I'll join them, but just not yet. But my personal beliefs on that aside (to discuss them would take more thick novels then all the Harry Potter books combined, past and future, so only my opinions on self-love will be discussed in detail here) and back to the point, just because I masturbate, enjoy masturbating, do it regularly, and am open about it, does not make me a whore or a slut or a exhibitionist. It also does not make me under-appreciative of myself to get a sexual partner. The fact that I masturbate, am open and comfortable talking about it makes me a mature individual that knows how to satisfy her body intimately, and thus has previous knowledge to help her when she decides the right person and time has come to get intimate with another to help make the sexual relationship start off on steadier legs then if it was mostly guess work for her partner and herself. Mind you I'm not talking about celibacy, I don't believe in it, but that's a whole other, more surreal rant and we will not go into here. I think the flamers have enough to dine on as is (and again it would take up AT LEAST one Harry Potter book. The reeeeeally thick ones).

Despite all this obvious unveiling of the truth that masturbation is not shamefull, is not self-mutilating, and is not self-deprecating, masturbation is something still spoken about softly, shortly, and the mouth is quickly hidden behind a hand, eyes avert, and the conversation ended or moved on to something else less.... controversial and uncomfortable.

So then, WHY is masturbation still such a taboo topic? WHY are we letting all these old fears and stigmas haunt this one sexual topic so thoroughly when it is probably one of the best things you could do with yourself, and one of the best ways to keep kids from having sex to early (mind you, under-aged sex will ALWAYS happen despite all our best efforts) and prevention of sexually transferred diseases. All I can figure is that it is only the individual whose 'fault' this lies at the feet of. You yourself have to fight against your own personal phantoms that haunt you that keep you from being comfortable about what you do, or are to afraid to do, with yourself. Only then will it become an accepted topic and practice. It is not a dirty thing, it is not negative, it is not hurtful, and there is nothing to be afraid of. But you'll just have to trust yourself to decide to believe that.


Final Notes:

That's it, that's my rant, though to cover a few dwindling strings I'll leave this mini rant here at the end. If you don't masturbate because of a personal sexual choice that is not because of shame or fear, just a sexual preference, good for you. You are utterly allowed that right. For people who are lucky enough to live or socialize with people that are open about what they do, good for you, but a large percent of people still don't, so don't go saying 'that's not true!' because while it may not be true where you are, it is where I have been and am and the case with the people I'm surrounded by. Consider yourself blessed. Anyone who has a REAL educated, personal opinion on this that is mature and responsible that you think should be added to this rant, speak up, you will be given full credit if it is included.

Thank you. Comment Away (and ignore the flamers away )! Fini.