Round 3: Torin and the Sausage fest II. Dick Strikes Back

Round 3: Torin and the Sausage fest II. Dick Strikes Back

[Transmission 1001 II, 1:04PM Sheezyville]

Of course, a few things were beginning to irritate me. Even I was able to discern the plot holes of this storyline. And that was saying something.

I was not sold on Prismind’s or Catleen’s explanation about the fate of my friends. Besides the nagging fact that Corbin had a scary habit of returning messages within five minutes, something greater was bothering me. If that wasn’t Aura in the background of that phone call…then who was it? It was definitely her. Her voice was too exact. Had Hollystika been able to duplicate it?

The more I mulled over these questions, the more my head hurt. Although I desperately wanted to believe my higher ups, I knew something was wrong. But those two wouldn’t lie to me… would they?

Before I could pursue the thought, the unmistakable sensation of being watched reared its ugly head. Every fiber of my being went into high alert as I slowly edged myself toward some cover. I glanced at my gloves and began to reassess the proper way to manipulate them. All too easily they sparked and begin to emit a faint blue glow. Goddamn, I was in love with these things already. My little mind readers.

“TOOORIN!” an unearthly wail pierced the air as a stream of fire shot down the alleyway. The flames began to consume the area, causing abandoned vehicles to pop and explode.

Just as I attempted to make my exit, the foot of the giant machine, Megahurtz, slammed down on my path. The concrete buckled beneath his weight and I instinctively jumped, not wanting to fall below the pavement again. I really didn’t want to experience Dengue Fever II: Return of the superbug. I hated sequels as much as I hated mudkips.

However, as my feet left the ground, a metal claw caught my side and hurled me toward the flames. Automatically, my hand shot out and grabbed hold of a lamppost. Every muscle in my abdomen contracted as I whirled around and up, using the force of the swing to propel me toward a promising escape.

Once my feet were planted on the nearest roof, I embraced my inner roadrunner and began hurling myself from building to building. How in blazes did Ashkor and Megahurtz team up? Were they united by their burning hatred of Sheezyville’s most controversial ginger? More importantly, how the hell is Megahurtz up and running… he looked like a heap of scrap metal the last time I saw him.

“Hey baby, long time no see,” I greeted uneasily as Ashkor cut into my line of vision. His crimson eyes sparked in disgust as he unsheathed a sword and made a strike toward my heart. To be honest, I was crushed. The least he could have done was greet me with a simple, “Hey girl, I’m going to kill you today. No hard feelings, ey?”

Seconds before contact, my fingers wrapped around the blade and tugged, hard. God, I loved that my gloves were flame and sword proof. It felt so sweet having the upper hand for once.

Ashkor snarled at the unsuspecting defense, which cost him his balance. As he wobbled forward, I raised my knee and kicked him square in the stomach. While he skidded back on the shingles, I retreated to the next roof.

Once I was a safe distance away, I shouted, “Baby, you don’t call… you don’t write, and now I see you with another… machine,” I made a gesture at Megahurtz who slammed through a nearby house and readied one of his grenades, “Sorry babe, I just can’t do this anymore.”

I was sick of running. Every time I came across a potential threat, I would wimp out and scamper off with my tail between my legs. Even now I felt the alluring urge to flee. I never used to be like that. I was a high-class moderator who would sling insults and fists as a living. Wherever the hell that girl went, she was coming back.

These two needed to hear the Gospel of Torin.

Flames crawled from Ashkor’s mouth as he charged. From the corner of my eye, I saw Megahurtz launch one of his grenades and I made the snap decision to catch it. I twisted my arm and flung my freshly caught weapon straight at the dragon.

Caught by surprise, Ashkor slashed his blade in a way to deflect the bomb. Too late. The moment the metal made contact, nothing but a ball of flames occupied the area where the dragon once was.

“Oops,” Megahurtz droned from below and the spot on his visor narrowed. Aha! It was his eye! I felt slightly more informed. However, before I could retaliate, I realized what Megahurtz was ‘oopsing’ about. The building I occupied shook from beneath as another grenade detonated from within. That son of a….

Maybe I should have made like a French soldier and fled. Honestly, it sounded like a splendid idea.

As I fell closer to Megahurtz, my eyes picked up a strange cloaked figure in the back. He was hunched over and chuckling, as though the sight before him was absolutely hilarious.

As Megahurtz readied his little spiked ball of death, the figure launched himself onto the giant robot. The surprise attack caused the tank to miss his mark, which was pretty nice considering the mark was yours truly.

As I tumbled across the pavement, I heard a precise shriek of metal grinding against metal. “Bolt, help the boobs,” I heard call out and my insides froze.

Holy pie in a pizza box.

Holy crap, I made an Eddsworld reference.

Once I managed to roll onto my feet, a shield bot circled around my head and suddenly lit up in a blinding red light. I heard an unearthly howl and shrank back from Ashkor who was charging the barrier with every ounce of his being. Through the fiber of the screen, I noticed smoke rising from the dragon’s armor. Damn, he was flame proof, too.

“Fellow bot, I demand knowledge of your betrayal,” Megahurtz called out from behind. His outburst caused Ashkor to stiffen and focus on the sight before him. I turned, as well, to see Dick Prahs playing whack-a-bot with Megahurtz.

A dazzling, yet psychotic, grin broke across his face as he claimed, “Fellow bot? Sure, I wear your paraphernalia but it doesn’t necessarily make me a cheerleader, does it?” With that, he raised the biggest hammer probably ever invented, and brought it against the tank’s side, causing one heck of a dent.

Ashkor sprang into action and unsheathed his blade. Totally with my mind on vacation, I leapt and grabbed the dragon by the tail. If anyone was going to kick Dick’s ass, it was the one with the XX chromosome.

Energy burst through my arms as I yanked the mechanical creature away from his new target. His feet left the ground as he traveled above my head and slammed into the pavement behind me. Whoa, Torin just learned seismic toss.

Suddenly, sentry bursts razed the air and burst against the fallen dragon. At that moment, everything erupted into chaos.

Another building fell, causing nothing but smoke to occupy the area. My vision was assaulted by smoke and raised my hands over my mouth to keep myself from inhaling the finely ground concrete. As I took a step back, I bumped against something hard and immediately turned to strike at whatever it was.

A hand caught my wrist and yanked me forward, quickly followed by a curt, “Hey, Torpedo Tits, let’s get your fine ass out of here.”

I struggled, but couldn’t seem to shake Dick’s grip. I so wanted to slug him for that raunchy comment, but I couldn’t even wriggle my fingers. As I was dragged out of the hazard area, I noticed that my hand was being held hostage by Dick’s robotic arm. Well, derp. That explained the iron grip.

I had no idea where we were going, but at least it was away from the welcoming committee. As we ran, the shield bot circled around us, as though searching for new threats. When it finally hovered next to Dick’s head, he stopped and released my arm. Oh thank God, he was beginning to kill my circulation.

“What did I say about not going near the tower?” He grumbled and began to inspect his hammer. He kept his back turned to me as he continued to yammer about my disobedience and child-like antics.

Letting my rage snap, crackle, and pop, I punched him hard in the back and hollered, “TORPEDO TITS? BOOBS?” First, I was furious about his crude references to my glorious rack. Secondly, I screeched, “You almost killed someone, Dick, why the hell would I ever listen to you?”

Dick calmly turned to me and sneered, “Your point?” He took a step closer to me and leaned forward, giving me a good look at his face.

I was too angry to react. Sure, his glowing red eye definitely creeped me the hell out, but his imperturbable attitude was infinitely more infuriating. “Why the hell did you put a bomb on Solar? He’s just a kid!”

Dick shrugged and continued walking, “Pretty nice touch, wasn’t it? I thought about just crushing his windpipe but I thought that would be too immediate. Shame he lived, then my record would have been 2-0.”

What in the world was he talking about? He killed someone else? Oh great, I was chatting with a serial killer. I sure can pick ‘em, can’t I?

“Oi. Listen Sugar Tits, I’d love to stand here and chat about my homicidal tendencies, but there’s two bots out there who’d love to slice you into 666 pieces and leave a trail of Torin-crumbs to the tower,” He growled lowly as the sentry bot rolled closer to us, “But I really don’t want to see such a fine lady specimen wasted by those two.”

For a murderer, he sure knew how to turn on the charm. I was feeling all tingly and nauseous thanks to that pick up line. Instead of unleashing a scathing insult, I pushed past him and continued forward. I couldn’t stand being near him for another minute. Despite everything I learned and saw, he was still Dick… and that killed me.

I heard him chuckle in amusement as he followed.

“Don’t stare at my ass,” I hissed as I sped up my stride.

Dick retorted, “Then what would you like me to stare at, Torin?”

I turned to scream at him again, but he closed the distance between us. His hands gripped my sides and I tried to twist away. I bashed both fists against his chest and snarled, “Get your filthy hands off me.”

“As you wish,” He snickered before pressing his mouth against mine.

Before I could react, he punched me hard in the stomach and the world went black.

[COMMISSION INTERRUPTED. SEARCHING LOGS FOR NEW INSTALLMENT]