Koopas in Space: Part 4c In Space, No One Can Hear You Rant
(Morton Koopa Jr is seen walking by the shore of a huge lake on a sandy planet.)
Morton Koopa Jr: My goodness, I’ve b-b-b-been lost for days and I don’t even know where I am. Gosh I’m so lonely and boy is I so homesick. Too bad I can’t go home, due to me being lost. Even if I wasn’t lost, I can’t go back home because the world that I call home is either going to be destroyed or taken over by two anime freaks with God complexes. Seriously, if a story called for a bad guy with a God complex, why not use that Kefka weirdo…
(Two Paratroopas fly over Morton’s head.)
Red Paratroopa: Dude, what is that guy talking about?
Green Paratroopa: I have no idea, but he’s driving me crazy. HE MUST BE STOPPED!
(The green Paratroopa flies up high into the air.)
Morton Koopa Jr: …Come to think about it, this place is rather nice. I like this place a lot. I may even build myself a castle here.
(Morton takes notice of a figure in the sky, blocking the sun.)
Morton Koopa Jr: ACK! It’s one of the vampires again! How’d she find me!?!
(The figure, which is really the green Paratroopa from earlier, swoops down towards Morton. Morton crawls down a conveniently placed warp pipe.
When Morton crawls out of the other end of the pipe, He finds himself in the middle of what appears to be an Outer Space railway.)
Morton Koopa Jr: What the heck? This is a prrrrretty ridiculous spot to put a railway. Who the heck would use a railway to trrrrrrravel through space anyway?
(While Morton is ranting, Charge Man is chugging across the track.)
Morton Koopa Jr: Hmph! If I didn’t know any better, I’d say that I hear a trrrrain coming my way…
(Morton takes of Charge Man coming towards him. The gray-shelled Koopa slams on the tracks, which causes them to break. Morton and Charge Man get flung off the broken track. Morton tumbles through space until he tumbles into another warp pipe. The warp pipe takes the gray-shelled Koopa to snowy planet.)
Morton Koopa Jr: Brrr! Good thing that I ended up some place that’s a bit more solid. This place can’t be broken as easily as the last one I was in. But I wish that I didn’t end up somewhere that was so dang cold!
(A few feet away from Morton, Amy is sitting on an icy structure licking up a penguin’s blood. Dora turns around to see Morton.)
Dora (gasps with joy): What luck! My big succulent morsel is here!
Morton Koopa Jr (turning to see Dora): ASDFG! Not you again! What a horrible and ill opportune moment this is!
(Dora grabs Morton by the collar of his shell.)
Dora: Precisely! None of those siblings of yours know where you are and I don’t have to worry about them interfering. *giggles playfully*
(Morton spits a fireball in Dora’s face, causing her to flinch in pain. The gray-shelled Koopa takes the opportunity to run away from Dora. Dora flings an Ice Thwomp at Morton, but he dives into a warp pipe. Once Morton has successfully escaped through the warp pipe, the Ice Thwomp crushes the pipe. The next area that Morton has been taken to is covered in white walls and gray, luminescent floors and ceilings.)
Morton Koopa Jr: I think I gave that Ice Vampire the slip. Man did that statement sound weird, because you normally slip on ice. Now where the heck is I?
(The little green alien, Squirps, squirms across the ceiling. He pauses and looks at Morton.)
Squirps: Squello and welcome the Whoa Zone, squeork!
Morton Koopa Jr: Thanks for telling me where I’m at. I’m very grateful for dispensing the information of my currrrent location. But the thing is that I’m baffled by the fact that you are currently on the ceiling. You are making a blatant disregard for the law of gravity. You should be on the floor, which where I currently am at the current moment!
Squirps: Squat? Squirps on the ceiling? Correction, it is YOU who is standing on the ceiling.
(Squirps slinks away as Morton falls up to the ceiling.)
Squirps (slithering across the floor): Then again, Squirps could be wrong. Squeorp…
(Morton falls down to the floor.)
Squirps (slithering across the ceiling again): Squoh-no-no-no-no. This has GOT to be the floor.
(Morton falls up to the ceiling.)
Morton Koopa Jr: Ugh…
Squirps (slithering across the floor again): Bah, squatever! Squirps just let you figure things out on your own…
(Morton falls down again, but this time he crashes through the floor and into another area of the Whoa Zone.)
Morton Koopa Jr (grumbling): Crazy green, blocky alien thing. How dare he mess with my head and the laws of physics.
(Morton picks himself up and takes notice of the four doors in front of him. The gray-shelled Koopa mutters unintelligibly as he opens the first door, revealing a Godzilla movie scene playing before him.)
Morton Koopa Jr (shutting the door): Weeeeeeeird…
(Morton opens the second door and pokes his head through the door.)
Singing Voices: Oh, we are the Buddy Bears! We always get along!
(Morton quickly slams the door shut.)
Morton Koopa Jr: Too scary! Unbelievably scary! That’s practically the ultimate evil behind that door!
(Morton opens the third door and walks through the doorway. A few seconds later, Morton falls from out of nowhere and onto the floor.)
Morton Koopa Jr: How the heck did that happen? I went through a door, yet I fell from the ceiling. I don’t even remember going up in the first place! I swear that crazy alien must be messing around with the laws of gravity again!
(Morton opens the final door to reveal that Charge Man is behind it.)
Morton Koopa: GAH!! What the heck is that train doing here!?!
(Before Morton had a chance to do anything else, Charge Man rams into him. The gray-shelled Koopa is sent flying. Morton crashes through the wall and bounces around in a room that looks to be designed like a pinball table until he falls down into a warp pipe. Morton ends up in area in the middle of space consisting of a bunch of Yellow Blocks. Morton looks overhead to see a teal and purple mechanical dragon that resembles Fracktail flying overhead.)
Morton Koopa Jr: Oh for the love of-! Today just isn’t my day! No matter where I go, I come across something that’s potentially dangerous to me!
(The dragon swoops down right in front of Morton, grabs him with its tongue and flings Morton up onto the top of its head. Morton discovers that Iggy and Lemmy are sitting on the dragon’s head too.)
Lemmy Koopa: Hey there, Morton…
Iggy Koopa: Check out the sweet ride! We came across this beast and I managed to tame it by rewiring its circuitry!
Morton Koopa Jr: Wowie-wow-wow! Talk about a lucky break! I’m so dang relieved to see you here! I was beginning to worry that I was never going to see my family. I thought that I was doomed to wander the cosmos forever! But thanks to my lucky star that you found me.
Iggy Koopa: Kinda glad to see you again, too.
Lemmy Koopa: Now it’s time to get back to our folks!
Iggy Koopa: Onward, Galactail!
(Galactail flies the three Koopas away.)
To be continued…