A young man with black hair and pure blue eyes sat on the porch of his house. He wore a black t-shirt over grey under armor, baggy blue jeans and sneakers. His long black bangs were parted to the sides of his face.
His best friends Casey and John sat with him. John wore camo shorts, a dark green t-shirt and boots. He played with a piercing in his left ear. It was a nervous habit of his.
Casey wore a tight fitting, low cut pink tank top and tight jeans. She wore flip-flops on her feet.
John phone rang; he pulled it from his pant pocket. “Hello?—Yeah, yeah, I’ll be home soon mom—bye, love you too.” He stood up and pulled up his shorts. “I’ll have to see you later Dan. He stretched out a hand to the young man in the black t-shirt. They shook hands and John left.
Casey watched him as he walked away. She looked back at Dan. They looked into each other’s eyes and Dan smiled lightly.
“I should get going too. I’m sorry Dan.” She stood up and hugged him loosely. He didn’t stand he just watch her as she walked the opposite way as John.
The door behind him opened slowly. “Come on little brother… stop chasing Casey… It’s never gonna happen between you two.” The man wore baggy tan pants and had a towel drooped lazily around his shoulders. His dark hair and upper body were wet.
“Shut it Greg…” Dan said trying not to care.
“You’ve been chasing that dream for as long as I can remember, just give up. You’ll have less pain now rather than a life time of torment if you keep chasing it.” He rubbed his hair with the towel and put back around his shoulders.
“I told you to shut up…!” He was starting to get irritated.
“No Dan, I won’t shut up. At least not until you get some sense knocked into your thick skull.”
“Shut up!” Dan Cried. He quickly stood up and tried to tackle his older brother into the house. But Greg grabbed him by the arm and swung him around into the wall, it rattled the pictures on the wall. Greg slammed the door, still holding his brother tightly against the wall. He pulled on the Dan’s arm, making it feel like it was going to pop out of its socket.
“Now, are you going to stop going after Casey?” Greg asked plainly, as if the two were just talking.
“No, now just let me go!” He yelled then groaned in pain as his brother pulled even harder and twisted his wrist. “Fine, fine, whatever you say!” Greg let him go and he sighed with relief. He rubbed his shoulder and walked up the stair, defeated.
“I’ve always been able to take him, and I always will.” Greg mumbled to himself as he walked into the living room and turned on the TV. He put his legs on a table.
This was very wonderfully written and although it's not exactly like planned It's wickedly awesome. I'm glad about the addition of character to add some flavor to the story.
I just wish the brother's name wasn't changed to Joe. anything but Joe, I should've checked my inbox sooner but I was working on a wallpaper. I'm sorry I'm not trying to complain it's just... there's been 2 joes in my life, one was my abusive father and the second was my bro's best friend who molested me, so I'm a lil biased towards the name, but I'm gonna try to put that to the side and just pay attention to the details of the story.
I like how you're developing Casey, she seems just like how I would've made her. As for Dan he seems to be a bit more real doesn't he? At first I thought he was being a bit cruel to his brother but then I thought, "no, siblings actually do this" so it made me content.
So overall, Fantabulous!! Oh and you don't have to keep writing this if ya wanna move on to something else. I just wanted to help yea out with your writers block.
Comments
Monique Uchiha Says:
Very nice, good job, David-Kun

Sanchu Says:
This was very wonderfully written and although it's not exactly like planned It's wickedly awesome. I'm glad about the addition of character to add some flavor to the story.

I just wish the brother's name wasn't changed to Joe. anything but Joe, I should've checked my inbox sooner but I was working on a wallpaper. I'm sorry I'm not trying to complain it's just... there's been 2 joes in my life, one was my abusive father and the second was my bro's best friend who molested me, so I'm a lil biased towards the name, but I'm gonna try to put that to the side and just pay attention to the details of the story.
I like how you're developing Casey, she seems just like how I would've made her. As for Dan he seems to be a bit more real doesn't he? At first I thought he was being a bit cruel to his brother but then I thought, "no, siblings actually do this" so it made me content.
So overall, Fantabulous!! Oh and you don't have to keep writing this if ya wanna move on to something else. I just wanted to help yea out with your writers block.