puppy love ch 11

puppy love ch 11

Ch. 11 I'm a half-hearted fool With a heart that's broke in two

Alicia barged into my apartment, shut the door and leaned against it.

“Its not 7....” I said sarcastically. I was kind of liking this tough girl attitude.

“Shut up.” she was breathing heavily as if she ran all the way here. Her eyes were closed, her bangs covered her eyes, her mouth was open, and pain oozed from her.

I felt the need to say something but nothing came to mind. I just stood there and shifted my weight before turning and heading to the couch. Before I could reach my safe haven, she grabbed my wrist. The same one that Ryan grabbed, Ryan... My mind wandered for a moment before I heard whimpers.

“Could you stop being yourself and be my friend?” she repeated back to me, sorry eyes looking up to me.

I smiled and said, “Trying to mock me? That's not how I said-” I was cut off par usual of Alicia.

“Shut up.” She forced herself upon me, holding me tightly as if she might lift off any second now. I couldn't help but feel obligated to hug her back. It was limply though, just barely around her waist. It was just enough to keep her at a distance but make her feel needed. What was I doing? Why was I being like this? All these questions plagued me constantly and lead my mind to wander.

Man, I am a terrible person.

When I heard her sniffle, I was reminded that I was being a friend to a foe who had been a friend to me before. Maybe she wasn't lying. Maybe something important was hurting her and she could only seek comfort in someone she knew was a good person. I think I'm just making shit up.

I pulled my hand from around her and rested it on her head. It had been a good five or six minutes and nothing had happened. The moment I did that she looked up to me and said, “...I think I like girls because for some really odd reason, I'm extremely attracted to you.”

Wait. Attracted? Extremely at that. I don't remember ever being ...attractive to anyone. I paused and looked to her with surprised eyes. It was like those cliché movies with unrequited love, or those really bad comic books where the main character has to choose between two people they didn't know or hated before...because they liked them for some unknown reason.

I could now understand why she could only come to me. Me being the biggest lesbian on campus.
I fell back into character moments later, “Don't be mistaken. You may just like me as a friend.” I said.

She shook her head and said, “No, No. It's not like that at all. Ever since Friday, I can't stop thinking about you. Your situation. Your eyes...your face. You.” she bit her lower lip and became suddenly embarrassed. “Trust me, You were the last person on a very long list of people I'd ever consider. But some how, just some how, you became number one.” she paused and had an embarrassed smile on her face, “God, I sound like an idiot.” She didn't pull away, she didn't cry, her eyes didn't waver. I could feel her intensity grow. She was contemplating something.

I looked down to her in utter confusion. I rolled my eyes and let go of her, “Okay, what do you want from me? You've got to be making this up.” She kept her grip tight on me and her face dropped. I looked back to her and said, “What, do you expect me to just take what you're saying at face value? Do you know the things you've said to me, behind my back, to everyone around me, have hurt me? How am I supposed to just say 'okay. Love you too?'” I don't know if I was being harsh, but she did begin to tear up. Those big brown eyes went misty and she sniffled. Her arms dropped and her hands came to her own face. She was so sad. My guard began to drop, and my mind was slowly letting her words sink in.

She mumbled something in her hands, something I couldn't hear. I switched my weight to the other foot and began to grow tired of this whole situation. I tugged on her sleeve and signaled her to come to the couch. She followed like a little puppy dog and sat next to me. I pulled her hands from her face and made her look at me. “...Alicia. Look...” I didn't mean for my voice to be so caring, it just came out. “Alicia, I think you're just making yourself feel this way because you want to be near me...am I wrong?”

She wanted to look away, I could tell. There was a moment where she hesitated but then nodded, “....I do. I want to be your friend...” her eyes began to tear up again.

“Well, you don't have to try and convince yourself to like girls. I'm sure you don't really mean it.” I gently hooked some of her hair behind her ear. “You've had boyfriends before right? You talk about boys a lot? You constantly search for a hot guy in a crowd?” I tilted my head and watched her eyes grow slightly void as she calculated what I was saying. Then I saw her nod. She smiled a little. I then continued, “Then you don't like girls, and you don't like me like that. The thing is... I can't be your friend if you aren't willing to be my friend all the time...what if I said okay, lets be girlfriends? How do you think I'd feel if I couldn't do normal couple things with you at school?”

She thought about this a long moment before, “...Well, what about bisexual? That's possible right? To like both genders?” she wiped some tears from her eyes, ignoring my statements.

“Why do you want to be in a relationship with me?” I said flat out annoyed.

She bit her lip and said, “Because, I like you.” she was defiant. No, she was defending herself. She probably didn't want to seem like an idiot, making something false seem true.

“You're lying!”

“I am not! I like you!”

“No, you're just saying that.”

“I am not! I really do like you!”

“You're acting like a child.”

“You hate me don't you?”

“Wouldn't you hate you for all the things you've said to me?”

“I already do!”

I was so flustered with this girl. I leaned back into the couch and put my hand on my forehead. This was getting nowhere. Why do I feel like I've done this before? I stopped and looked over to her. Well, I have an idea, hope this scares her off.

I slowly sat up and as if I was rethinking what she had said, moved towards her. Enclosed on her like a predator to their prey. “...Do you mean that Alicia? That you would take back everything you've ever said to me that made me hurt? Do you really?” I bit my lower lip and gave her a 'please, please say yes.' sort of sad look.

She nodded slowly and began to back away.

“Will you say it for me?”

“Say what?”

“That you take it all back, all that you've said. You want to be with me right?”

“Uh...hm. Yes. Okay. I take it back...” she was unsure. She hesitated.

“Every last word?” By now I was close, very close to her face. I imagined Kathrynne's face upon hers, then scratched that image and put Victoria, oh how I've wanted to do this, then scratched that too...where else could I go with this? The moment before I put my lips to hers, in the softest kiss I could muster, I saw Ryan.