JoJo's Birthday Present '08

JoJo's Birthday Present '08

"Are you farkin' ready yet?" Ida yelled down the hallway. She was admiring herself in the mirror, twirling around in a nice satin black number, accenting her close-to-non-existent-bust. She wore a corset for the first time ever, and was battling to adjust it to make herself look even skinnier and to cover up some of the less appealing tattoos. Once she'd got her dress right, she put on some white gloves. Near-blind fans of old movies would say Ida was taking on a Hepburn-style look.

"Comin' darlin'" Arrio muttered. He was scratching at his head, which had been filled with something that Ida called 'shampoo' and 'conditioner'. It had been rinsed off and dried, but the constant movement of Ida's fingers through his hair was something that his scalp hadn't been used to.

"Jus a sec" Ida purred as she got a large slab of gel and ran it through his hair. Arrio cringed and bit his lip while Ida straightened his hair out and slicked it back. She would've liked to cut his hair, but there wasn't time. She slicked it back until Arrio was passable as a gentleman. For tonight was Valentine's Day and Ida wanted to pretend to be a lady….for once. Arrio didn't want to take part, but Ida was not the kind of woman that took kindly to feedback.

"I'mma 'ere" Arrio grunted, as Ida sniffed him. She'd tried to get the infamous Arrio stink out of him. There were still a few traces, but she managed to cover him up in enough deodorant and cologne to make sure that no one would notice. Once he was out of his usual rags, and in a nice black rented tuxedo, the smell had almost gone.

"I look like a fukkin' penguin." Arrio growled as Ida gave him an icy stare. He shut his mouth and waddled over towards the door, as Ida called out from the direction of the bathroom.

"I rang for a taxi. Should'a be here in a sec!" Ida called out, trying to make sure she didn't sound like a drunken female version of Crocodile Dundee. She danced around, strangely cold sober. Arrio sat down in his black tux. Ida had even ensured that he'd wear a bow tie, but he was thinking that she'd better be doing something nice to make up for all this.

The taxi ride went without incident, and Arrio was even kind enough to open the door for her when they arrived at the restaurant. Arrio held onto her as she tried to get used to the idea of wearing high heels. As they entered the restaurant, Arrio stared. He'd never been in such a fine eating establishment, and was surprised to see silver plates loaded up with meals of stuffed animals, carefully arranged salads and more, all in an environment of velvet red curtains and impeccable waiters.

"Fuk'n 'ell." Arrio exclaimed, until Ida poked him hard in the ribs. One stare from Ida was all that it took before Arrio got the message. Luckily, no one had turned around. The waiter came and seated them, while Ida kept her eyes on Arrio the whole time.

"So, gonna order?" Ida slurred as Arrio's eyes darted around as they were seated. He had done some pretty bad things for pretty girls before, but this really took the cake.



"What's your favourite meal? Ida enquired as she handed Arrio the menu. Arrio looked puzzled at the menu, not wanting to admit to Ida that he couldn't read or see. He looked at her again, as Ida decided to file her nails. She was really enjoying herself here. After looking at the menu for a minute, Arrio handed back the menu and pointed at a random dish. He had ordered squid.



"Ah so you wan' that?" Ida asked, raising an eyebrow. Arrio nodded eagerly, hoping that she wouldn't try and embarrassed him again. She called over the waiter by gesturing with her hand. As soon as the penguin-suited waiter came over, she requested the wine menu and whispered the order to him, so people wouldn't hear her accent. Arrio craned his head closer to try and overhear what he was eating, but heard nothing. Whatever it was, it would be better than the nothing that he was used to.



"So lookin' forward to squid?" Ida purred. Arrio looked confused. There wasn't much seafood being dished up on the desert world of Vesta, so he was totally unprepared for the rubbery tangle of legs that was dished up on his plate. Accompanying his meal was a tartar sauce that was served in a silver dish. Arrio's eyes widened.



"I'mna eatin' tha' shit!" He exclaimed, as Ida put a hand over his mouth, He struggled against her, but saw he was losing the battle. The diners were beginning to turn around at the free show being offered by Ida and Arrio. Ida darted around, not used to such scenes. She felt around in her pocket for her knife, but realised that ripping out Arrio's vocal cords in public would cause more problems.



"You're gonna eat and LOVE it" she said, grinning. Arrio turned green as she slid over and moved her seat next to his, making sure that she had clear access to his mouth. She took out all the necessary utensils needed to make sure that Arrio was a good boy and would eat up his dinner.



Arrio closed his mouth tightly as Ida began to cut the squid into small pieces, dipping tiny bits into the tartar sauce. To the observer, it looked like a mother feeding her baby and that suited Ida just fine. Arrio had wrinkled his face, making him look even uglier than usual.



"C'mon. Open up for the choo-choo train" Ida cooed as she clasped her fingers over Arrio's nose. Arrio's head moved from side to side quickly before he gasped for air. As soon as he did, Ida shoved food in his mouth; He nearly chokes as the rubbery taste slid down his throat. He made a face, secretly admitting that the taste wasn't as bad as it looked. Arrio was not a connoisseur, but he was hungry and knew what the consequences were for crossing the assassin's path.



"Wasn't so bad now was it?" Ida asked, as she spat into a serviette and wiped the food out of the corners of Arrio's mouth.



After several painful minutes of Ida treating Arrio like a baby, the squid had been eaten, and Ida's pesto was winking at her. She went back, and started to eat it like a lady. Arrio stared. The way that she wrapped around the past so effortlessly…captivated him. There was something about every single careful bite that she took, the way that she made it last. She had the food in her control, he thought to himself. Ida raised one eyebrow up at him and stared.





"Aven't you ever seen anyone else eatin'?" She remarked as she licked the last of the pasta sauce off her fork. Arrio looked confused for a moment and shrugged.



"Fir' taim' I seen a preddy lady like you ead so well"" Arrio exclaimed, his tongue half-hanging out his face. Ida grinned. She had him right where she wanted him and it was time to… move in for the kill. She turned to him and curled her surprisingly straight hair around her index finger, while moving closer.



Arrio's face was redder than a Valentine as her lips moved in closer to her face. Her lips were about to pucker up as she whispered near Arrio's ear. "So what wine do you think we should have?" she muttered as she stroked his shirt. Luckily, for the amorous couple, the lighting was dim enough for the other diners not to notice what was going on. Arrio recoiled; just a little bit disappointed that Ida didn't want to do something more adventurous than that.



After Ida called over a waiter and pointed to a mid-priced vintage (she didn't really care what it was, as long as it had alcohol in it), she turned back to the fidgeting Arrio. He was looking for a way out, any way out, as he needed a smoke. He excused himself, knowing that around here people didn't smoke inside buildings. With one swift move of his fingers, both cigarette and lighter were in his hands. He lit them up, much to the disapproval of those around him. Ida was mixed. She hadn't had a smoke in over twenty minutes and her fingers were already starting to get a little twitchy.



"Wanna come out? She said, beckoning Arrio. He looked around the restaurant, then back at Ida, grateful for any escape from this velvety hell. She gave a hovering waiter an ugly stare. They weren't babies and didn't need any suited penguins to follow them.



"When we get to the exit, we just keep walkin'" Ida whispered. She had enough money to pay for the dinner, but… this was more fun. Besides, she didn't want to leave any kind of tip. If waiters wanted to get more money, they should take up killing. It was a nice night, but she wanted to have a little bit more…excitement with Arrio.



"Shure thing darlin'" Arrio grunted, as his cologne began to wear off. Ida wanted to get him out as quickly as possible, before anyone started to suspect that they were anything less than a devoted rich couple. Ida took her fake leather handbag before she forgot it (she was defiantly not someone who took a handbag with her wherever she went.).



After heading in the direction of the toilets, they started to walk closer to the exits, quickening their pace. Ida looked at her mobile phone, pretending to read a message. Arrio followed behind her, too frightened to speak. He knew the look in her eyes and knew better to mess with her.



After sighting the door, she broke out into a trot, dragging along Arrio behind her. The matre'd tried to stop them, but decided he didn't want any broken bones. Arrio moved out slightly slower, his face turning green. He looked at Ida with hoping eyes, as they both ran towards a taxi, Arrio smashing his head against the cab's roof... "DRIVE" Ida yelled at the driver as they sped off, Ida and Arrio's lips locked.