The Defender Solution

The Defender Solution

Teela Adams, the owner and supreme ruler of Terra Beta, staggered tiredly down the winding, wooded path to her private quarters. Even the singing birds in the trees above her failed to cheer her up today, however.
Although she was dressed in rich red robes and soft white slippers, her long, dark brown hair was tousled, her robes were rumpled, and her usually sparkling blue eyes were dull with fatigue.
As she rounded the turn she came to the short bridge that spanned the miles-deep void that surrounded her quarters, which seemed to loom over her like a dark cloud in spite of the shining gold and silver that coated them.
At the far end of the bridge stood a small brown vehicle that resembled nothing so much as an armored box with four heavy treads and a squat, blocky turret with a short muzzle on top, almost as an afterthought of design. It appeared to be very old, and completely lifeless.
As soon as Teela was in sight, though, it quickly came across the bridge and turned to sit beside her. She leaned gratefully against it as it guided her across the bridge.
"Had a hard day in Council, did we?" it asked in a rich, masculine tenor voice from somewhere within it.
Teela rolled her eyes, then looked down at it. "'Hard' is not the word for it, Defender," she said. "'Horrible' is more like it. That blasted Lord Fenton's trying to bleed me dry with that old 'Dung Erosion Study'."
Defender snorted electronically. "Hmmf! Typical. I'd like to bleed him dry someday!"
"Now, now, Defender," Teela said soothingly. "That's my job." They had reached the far end of the bridge, and Teela pressed her thumb to the small silver plate set into the wall next to the huge, intricately carved oak door.
She yawned as it swung open and said; "Don't wake me for anything short of a catastrophe. I need a good night's rest."
"What about Fenton?" Defender asked.
"I don't care about him and his petty concerns right now," Teela said tiredly. She waved her left hand vaguely. "If he comes around, just send him on his way."
"Aye, Milady," Defender said jauntily. "I'll roust the bugger by his shorts if I have to."
She bent and patted his armored top. "Thanks. Pleasant evening, Defender." She went inside and closed the door.
Defender turned himself around and backed himself squarely in front of the door. "Her quarters are soundproofed," he thought. "May as well get some sleep myself." He turned his audio scanners up, and quickly dozed off as the sun set.

He awoke in the dark a few hours later to the sound of someone pounding hard and loud on his front. He switched over to "scan" mode, and found himself scanner-to-face with a thin, ill-kept man with a large, sharply hooked nose and a swarthy complexion. The man was dressed in baggy yellow pants, an ill-fitting neon orange tunic, lime green slippers, and enough rings on his fingers to blind someone in the daylight. Defender also noticed that his greasy black hair was worked into a poor pompadour, and that his thick, graying mustache was drooping mournfully.
Defender recognized him instantly.
"Good evening, Lord Fenton," Defender said politely. "Milady Teela has retired for the night. May I help you?"
Fenton drew himself up to his full unimpressive height and scowled at him. He stood just under five feet tall. "I have urgent business with Teela that cannot wait, and I demand to see her immediately!" he yelled in a high, squeaky voice that vaguely reminded Defender of fingernails on a blackboard.
"Sure thing," Defender said amiably. A small panel opened on his front, and a beam of light shot out. It quickly coalesced into a hologram of Teela's smiling face.
"Blast you!" Fenton screamed. "That's not what I meant! Get out of my way and let me in, you outmoded pile of scrap!"
At this outburst, Defender rolled forward ever so slightly and whispered, "If you aren't out of here in ten seconds, I'm going to blow your ugly head off, Fenton." Another panel opened on his front to reveal a large cannon, which swiveled up towards Fenton's face.
Fenton stepped back hastily, sputtering. "She'll hear about this! I'll be back!" he yelled, quickly retreating back down the path and out of sight.
Defender chuckled to himself and settled back into place. "That man is a definite nuisance," he thought to himself. "Maybe I'll have some peace and quiet now." He drifted off to sleep again.

Defender was awakened again, this time by the sound of metal clanking and scraping on the other side of the bridge. He switched over to "scan" mode again, just as he began to make out a familiar, annoying voice.
He looked across the bridge in time to see Fenton busily nagging a young soldier in a lime green uniform with neon orange piping on his pants. He was setting up a small energy cannon on a tripod and looking very nervous.
"...You that it was all cleared," Fenton was shouting. "What's wrong with you?"
"B-begging your pardon, Milord," the soldier stammered in a trembling, barely audible voice. "B-but these are Lady Teela's private q-quarters and all..."
"And all what?" Fenton yelled. "Do your job, or I'll have you shot at sunrise!"
Defender felt pity for the soldier, who gulped and hastily finished his job. "Nobody should have to put up with Fenton," he thought. The soldier scampered away down the path, and Fenton took the trigger.
"Will you yield?" Fenton yelled, a smug look on his face.
"Flake off, Fenton," Defender answered cheerfully.
Fenton turned red. "Have it your way!" he cried, and pulled the trigger.
The muzzle of the cannon glowed briefly, then shot out a huge blue-white beam of pure energy. The beam bounced harmlessly off Defender's armored front and into the sky, leaving nothing but a dark smudge to show for itself.
Fenton's jaw dropped, and he backed away from the cannon.
"You owe me for a polish job, Fenton," Defender called laughingly. "I'll just charge it to your private account, okay?"
Fenton turned an amazing shade of purple. "We'll see!" he screamed. "I'll have the last word yet!" He turned and ran down the path.
Defender settled himself down again and thought, "Fenton's a nut. No wonder Teela was so beat." He went back to sleep.

Defender woke a third time to the sound of a deep rumbling which could be felt as much as heard through the surface of the bridge. He switched to "scan" mode again, and started chuckling to himself.
A large gray tank was rumbling down the path towards him, covered with missiles and energy cannons. It stopped just short of the bridge, and Fenton's head and shoulders popped up out of the monster's forward hatch. He had on a ridiculously oversized red helmet, and a broad smile on his swarthy face.
"You'll move now, you miserable piece of junk!" he cried triumphantly.
"Go play with your toys somewhere else, Fenton!" Defender replied happily.
Fenton scowled and dropped down into the tank. The hatch closed, and the tank opened fire. It shot a few missiles at Defender, which simply bounced off, but most of its' firepower was directed at the bridge supports. As a cloud of thick smoke engulfed the area, Fenton called out, "Cease fire!"
When the smoke cleared a minute later, Fenton was shocked to see the bridge still standing and Defender sitting unharmed at the other side. His jaunty voice carried across to Fenton's disbelieving ears.
"Stupid, Fenton. I thought you knew this bridge is indestructible. You need an education."
Fenton ducked in the nick of time, as Defender elevated his front cannon and, with four precisely placed shots, blew up all of the weapons on the tank at once, leaving nothing but a smoking shell.
Fenton came crawling out of the wreckage looking like a cartoon character that had just been handed a stick of dynamite. His clothes were covered with black soot, his moustache was singed most of the way off, and his pompadour looked deflated. He quickly recovered and ran down the path, cursing loudly as he went.
"Don't forget to haul that junk out of here," Defender called gleefully after him. He settled down again, hoping he would finally get some rest. "After all," he thought, "it's almost morning."

All of Defender's alarms clamored at once, and he instantly switched to "scan" mode. He looked around quickly, and stopped in shock when he saw what was sitting on the other side of the bridge.
Just behind the wreckage of the tank was a huge gladiator drone, sitting on two massive treads. From between these a heavily armored torso arose, and two large arms sprouted from each shoulder. The whole thing was topped off by a heavily armored cranium, and was painted a deep, glistening black.
Fenton stood a few yards to one side of it, holding the control box and grinning madly. "Now we'll see! Now we'll see!" he shouted, his usually squeaky voice hoarse with excitement.
He pushed a button, and the drone came to life. It's single eye lit up, glowing a deep, malevolent red, and its' arms moved smoothly and silently as it unfolded a large, whirring saw blade from each wrist. Four hatches opened on its' torso, and a large cannon barrel extended from each of the open hatches.
The drone sat still for a moment, then rumbled forward. As it reached the edge of the bridge it struck the debris from the tank, grinding it under its' treads. It backed up, then reached down and struck the wreck with one massive arm, flinging the remains of the tank over the edge of the bridge and into the mile-deep chasm below. Defender could hear it bouncing off the walls as the drone started forward again.
"This has gone far enough," Defender said. He activated his own weaponry, and extra armor slid down from recesses in his upper body to protect his treads. Two small hatches opened on his front, revealing the twin barrels of two armor-piercing Puls-cannons, side hatches opened to expose a phased-energy cannon on each side, and the induction coils behind his main cannon began to glow with barely contained energy.
He started forward to meet the drone. By this time it was almost a quarter of the way across the bridge, which trembled underneath its' treads. Fenton was doing a mad little dance and pushing buttons rapidly.
Defender took the initiative, blowing off the upper pair of the drone's arms with his smaller Puls-cannons. The drone let out a high-pitched electronic keen of pain, and fired its' energy cannons at point-blank range.
Defender was blown partway back across the bridge, momentarily stunned. The drone saw this, and was quick to take advantage of the situation. It extended its' arms to the fullest, and reached out to grasp Defender in its' cutting embrace.
Defender recovered just as the blades touched him, sending a shower of sparks skittering across his armor. He activated his side cannons, blowing the remaining arms to pieces from the elbows down. As the drone screamed again and backed up, he noticed Fenton grimly punching buttons.
When he looked back the drone was once again advancing, firing all four cannons at his front, hoping to blow him off the bridge and into the chasm below. Defender nimbly dodged the blasts, and rolled to the drone, too close for the cannons to hit him. He backed away slowly, keeping out of range as the drone rolled forward.
A few seconds later Defender felt the wall against his back, and saw Fenton's face light with a look of triumph. He was trying to crush Defender under the drone's heavy treads, and Defender was trapped.
His temper flared, blocking out everything around him. "I...am sick...of you!" Defender cried, and fired his main cannon at point-blank range. The beam passed clear through the drone, splitting its' torso in half and setting fire to a dead branch that hung over the path.
The drone emitted one last, sensor-shattering shriek as it started to turn. The left tread went over the edge, and the drone tipped and fell into the chasm. It struck the wall as it fell and exploded into a brilliant ball of orange flame that briefly lit up the night.
Defender retracted his armor and looked across the bridge. Fenton's face was frozen in a look of shock and horror as the now-useless control box slipped from his limp fingers and he looked squarely at Defender.
"Fen-tonnn," Defender cackled gleefully, "It's time to meet your Ma-kerrr!!!"
Fenton turned and stumbled, then picked himself up and ran as though a demon from Hell itself was behind him, howling with fear.
But Defender cut in his turbines, and caught him at the bend in the path, where the branch burned merrily.

Teela woke him early the next morning on her way to work. She was dressed in deep blue robes and silver slippers, her dark, lustrous hair was brushed and braided in a long braid that hung over her left shoulder, and her blue eyes sparkled merrily.
"Teela," he said wearily, "You look like a new woman."
"Why, thank you, Defender," she said brightly. "I feel like a new one after last night. I slept like a log, except when we had that tremor. Did you feel that?"
Defender replied sleepily, "I slept like a dead log after Fenton left last night."
Teela looked at him suspiciously. "You were polite, weren't you?'
Defender chuckled. "I started out that way, but you know Fenton. He ended up leaving in a hurry."
Teela looked at him quizzically, but shrugged it off. "I just hope he doesn't act up in Council again today."
"I don't think he will, after our conversation last night," Defender commented. "Oh, and don't worry about the mess on the path. I had a slight weaponry malfunction. I'll have it cleaned up by the time you get back, okay?"
She raised an eyebrow and gave him that strange look again, then shook her head. "You're a real piece of work, Defender. Speaking of which, I'm late. Have a nice day." She patted him on his turret.
"You too," he said. He watched as she walked briskly down the path, humming gaily to herself.
He settled back down after she left, and turned off all his non-essential equipment. The fight had left him more drained than he'd originally thought, and he'd be feeling that last blow for weeks to come. He opened an array of solar cells on top to catch the perfect sunlight, looking forward to recharging as he drifted off to sleep.
But before he could, a thought occurred to him. "You know," he mused out loud, "Most nuisances can be taken care of nicely by backing over them a few times."
And he slept peacefully in the warm sun for the rest of the day.

THE END