AS Chapter 5, "Reveling in Revelations"--Gian

AS Chapter 5, "Reveling in Revelations"--Gian

He was angry with me. I think. I was used to picking up on other people’s emotions, so it was weird when I couldn’t tell what was going on in his head. His arms were crossed, his pace was brisk, and I couldn’t see his face. That seemed angry to me. What had I done to make him like that? I sighed, watching my breath turn white and fade in the crisp, cold air, as I pulled the collar of his jacket up around my face. It smelled nice, like a dark, musky incense, and just… him. I breathed in deeply, eyes turning toward Donree. He was sullen, but hiding it. That much I knew. Then, when he dropped his arms, I found myself staring at his hand. It looked... empty. You’re just concerned, I told myself. You’re tired. That’s all.

“We should make camp,” I said quietly. He stopped and turned his head queerly to look at me.

“You’re probably right.” His lips were pale, and he was trying to keep him from shivering. I quickly pulled his jacket off of my shoulders and put it back on his.

“There, you take that, I’ll pitch the tent.”

He seemed surprised, but shook his head. “If you’ve got one, I’ll help--“

“No. I’ve got it. You need to rest. You’re cold, in pain, and likely to faint because of it. Besides, I feel bad for forgetting the tent the first night.”

He looked uncomfortable with the jacket on his shoulders, but nodded and stood to the side all the same. Letting myself enjoy that small victory, I smiled, got my tent out of the bag, and set it up as quickly as I could. It was cold.

“I’m done,” I said unnecessarily. Donree came over quietly and walked inside, barely looking at me. However, he did look very surprised at what he saw inside the tent.

“How did you get one of these?” he asked with bewilderment. “Even in the city, they’re rare.”

“I travel a lot, and I know a guy. I got this one before they were ever on the market.” He nodded and walked over to sit by the pre-lit wood stove. He looked distracted, and sad, so I went over and sat next to him.

“What is wrong with you?” I asked him. He flinched as though injured.

“I’m... fine.” His hesitation, coupled with the look in his eyes, told me otherwise.

“You can tell me, you know.” I put my hand on his shoulder, but this only made him look worse.

“You’d hate me. You will hate me.” He crossed his arms over his knees, then buried his face in them. Hate him? How could I? What could be that bad?

“Donree, I won’t hate you. Please, tell me. I don’t like seeing you like this!”

He looked at me, contemplating, then straightened up and swallowed. He looked shaky, but determined; he looked directly into my eyes.

“I am part-machine. My mechanical parts were given to me by the Ruler. He uses his minions and myself to collect test subjects for him. He’s been trying to find a cure to... some disease. I guess he thought that the water in your town might help, because of it being Fountain water and all. W--When we went to get your mother, though, I defected, I--I just didn’t want to do it anymore, and I tried to get her back, but there were too many of them, and they got her, but before they got away with her, she gave me that little black box and asked me to find her daughter, to find you.” He was shaking badly, and tears streamed down his cheeks. Me, I wasn’t sure of anything. It explained so much. Why he knew certain things. Why he could fight so well. Why I had ever met him. My mind raced.

If I’d never met him...

My chest felt tight. I wouldn’t know where my mother was, if I’d never met him. I wouldn’t know how to get there, I wouldn’t have made it there if I did, and most importantly--I would never have met him. When I looked over, he had his face back in his arms, shaking more than before. I felt myself put my arms around him, but I didn’t remember willing myself to do so.

“I don’t hate you.” It just came out of my mouth. Still, it was a lie. Part of me did. He had taken Tee, her mother, my mother, and so many others. But he was trying to fix it. I knew I could forgive him in time. Something in the back of my mind reminded me that the part that didn’t hate him greatly outweighed the part that did. In fact--

I wouldn’t think about that. Right then, he needed me. He had been there for me all that time, and it was my turn. He didn’t need me going off to la-la land.

Donree lifted his head when he felt my arms close around him. He looked completely confused.

“Why?” he whispered. As another tear ran down his face, a slight shock was transferred from his body to mine.

“Come on, stop your crying. I don’t need you shutting down on me.” I used the corner if his collar to dry his tears. When I put it down and smiled at him, before I could pull away, he took my hand in both of his.

“Thank you,” he said in that velvety, dulcet voice of his. He then kissed the palm of my hand, something that seemed a great deal more intimate than a kiss to its back. I blushed, then even more so as he smiled at me and let go of my hand. It was one of those smiles, one of the ones that made me warm on the inside.

“You’re welcome,” I managed to murmur. It was strange. Already, I’d forgiven him. He stood up and stretched with a goofy smile.

“Well then, which bunk would you like, milady?”

Seeing him back to normal made me smile. “I’ll take the bottom.” I stood and walked over to the bed, and had almost lain down, but he picked me up by the sides and sat me on the top.

“Don’t lie on my account, sunspot,” he said, winking. He had that stern but amused tone that I usually associated with fathers, for whatever reason. “Besides, I don’t think I could climb up there in my condition, anyway.”

I shook my head. “No, really. I do prefer the bottom. I thrash in my sleep, and it’s a long way down from the top.”

“Oh.”

“...Well, we could share.”

His face went as red as his hair. “Isn’t that a little... unorthodox?”

I couldn’t help but smile. “You, talking about being unorthodox? That’s funny. Come on, I trust you, and this way, neither of us get hurt.”

“Well... all right, but I’m a cuddler.”

“Fine by me, as long as you don’t try anything in your sleep.”

“If I do, you can stick one of your fingers in my wounds.”

“Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that. Come one, lay down.” I raised a fist playfully.

“All right, all right!” He laughed and laid down as I had commanded. I laid next to him, and curled up kind of close. Spandex was not warm. He turned so he was facing me, and laid his arm over me.

“Good night, Gian.”

“Mn.” I had my face on his chest, breathing in that scent of his, feeling at peace for the first time in a long time. Then, right as the lights had turned out, I knew--This is what it’s like to love.

• • • • • • • • • •

It took me quite a while to get back to sleep after my little ‘epiphany’. Honestly, I wished I hadn’t. I dreamt of Donree, walking next to me as always. We were in a long, checkered hallway that was twisted, somehow, but that hadn’t bothered me in the dream. As we walked, though, a blur flew between us. I tried to reach out to Donree, but he was suddenly far away. I couldn’t get to him. I tried running after him, but next thing I knew, we weren’t in the same place. I wasn’t even me. I was a spectator, watching. Donree and I were dancing. We were smiling. We were happy. I wanted to be myself more than I ever had been, watching her—Me, I reminded myself, that’s me!—dancing around in his arms. I had no body, though. You couldn’t dance if you had no body. You weren’t allowed to dance. It made me want to cry. Just as I began to realize that, with no body, you weren’t allowed to cry, either, it changed on me again. This part was suddenly less trippy than the others, what with the actual surroundings, and me in a body. There was dark, green-blue brick all around me, but in the glow of the fire, it looked--wait, fire? I tried to escape it, but there were no doors. Just a window. I looked out, but saw how far down it was to the ground. Burn to death, or just a splat? I’d take the fire, thank you. Actually, I didn’t want to die at all, fire or otherwise. I ran around, trying to live, to reach Donree, but he wasn’t there. That wasn’t right. Donree was always there, always! The fire began to lick at me, like long yellow teeth biting at my legs, my feet, my whole body. I gave an empty scream, though as silent as it seemed, it was filled with the agony of thousands of people, not just me. There was pain, like lightning, lightening, shooting up my body in rivulets of nothing but anguish. Then, something cool was wrapped about my waist, on both my front and back. It enveloped me, soothing the ache of the fire on my skin. I heard my name in a low, melodic voice.

I knew that voice.

My eyes shot open. Donree was looking at me, concern etched into the furrow of his brow and the line that was his tight-lipped frown. Those electric-blue eyes, though. They shocked me every now and then (Heh, shocked, electric. Funny.), and that, right then, was one of those times. As they scanned my face, he sighed, resting his lips against my forehead. The comfortable contact lasted only a second, though, before he pulled away.

“I’m sorry--“

“Go ahead.” It was nice. He made me feel so calm, so gentle. Like an actual person. I slipped my arms under his, and felt his lips warily placed on my head again. He started to whisper little things, comforting things, very softly. I felt my muscles relax; Donree was there again, as it should have been.

After a while, he stopped his whisperings and looked at me. “You were thrashing in your sleep earlier,” he said quietly. He left it open, like a fill-in-the-blank. I couldn’t tell him my entire dream, not yet. I couldn’t admit that I had those feelings for him. Yet, said the voice.

“I... I think I died in my dream. I was burning, and there was this awful scream... ” I just wanted to sleep; no dreams, no nightmares, just peaceful rest. I clenched the front of Donree’s shirt in my hands tightly, not wanting to let go. Letting go could mean that it was all a dream, that he was a dream. Like it would rip me away from everything and drive me straight back into the fire. Donree stroked my hair with one hand, rubbing my back with the other. Even with my feelings for him, I couldn’t make sense of it. Why did I become so docile around him? And why on earth did I like it? My brain was working too hard again. I focused on nothing, trying to clear my head. Eventually, I just laid there. Then, very suddenly, the entirety of the situation hit me, banishing that state of perfect thoughtlessness.

“Oh dear god. Mom.” I shot up quickly and began collecting things, panicking. “I completely forgot!”

Donree put a hand on my arm. “Gian, you were only asleep for about an hour. You really need your sleep, we can move on in the morning.” There was a subtle tone of command in his voice, though it didn’t feel like he thought he owned me; it was just him, being concerned, trying to do what he thought was best for me. The more I thought about it, the more... perfect he seemed. Good lord, I sounded positively female. Pull it together! I thought.

“I... I guess I’ll try and sleep again.” So much had happened. It was completely frazzling my brain. That was why nothing made sense; the world had been turned on its side, and I was still trying to stand upright. I just stood there, my head spinning, trapped inside its whirling embrace. Then, very suddenly, Donree pulled me down by my waist, setting me back on the bed. I tried to argue, but he placed a gentle finger over my lips before I could.

“Gian,” he said softly, “I’ll protect you. I’ll help you get your mother back. I’ll do everything I can, I promise. Nothing will happen to you or your mother, I swear. I’ll be dead before you are, trust me.” He smiled, apparently trying to make a joke, but it wasn’t funny. I just felt sick.

“Don’t die for me.” I pressed my face against his chest, reveling in his warmth. “You aren’t allowed to die. I won’t let you.”

He kissed the top of my head. “Fine. But you can’t, either.” I could feel him smiling against my hair.

“That’s fine by me.” Really, I wouldn’t mind living with Donree. Living with Donree would be an adventure, to say the least.

“I swear, I’ll protect you ‘til the day I die--which will be a long way off, I promise.” He put his arms around me again and pulled a blanket over the two of us. Hm, ‘us’. I smiled. That was a nice word, ‘us’. I decided that, as a word for him and me, I liked it. I started to wonder if maybe, just maybe, he liked me, too. That would be cool. I’d like that. I would really like that. Very much. A whole lot. Damn, I'm tired. I was rambling in my head. I almost laughed, but that would’ve wasted energy. Instead, I reached behind my back and found Donree’s hand, lacing our fingers together.

“Good night, Donree.”

“G’night, sunspot.”