AS chapter 4, "Don't Fix It If It Ain't Broke"

My pain resistor was broken. That had to be it. This had to be pain. I’d felt little snatches of similar unpleasantry before, but not like this. People always told me how dreadfully unpleasant it was, and just how lucky I was not to know it. Well, I always wanted pain, I thought. Now, I have it. Now, I don’t want it. It was hard to concentrate on anything, it was just so confusing. How did people live with this? How did they not go mad? But it was there. Dizzying, sickening. My head felt like it was splitting open, even after being healed. Heh, Lyle. I owed him big time. But I couldn’t dwell on that for long. There was too much to distract me, too much soreness, everything. I held my head in my hands for a moment, and it subsided. Thank you, Lyle. I love you, man. Pain is just too crazy for me. Oh, yeah. Lyle. I’m so glad he could keep a secret. Gian would castrate me if she knew. I’d have to tell her eventually, but she’d drop me if she knew now. I knew what
I was doing (or not doing) was selfish, and I hated it; but I felt like I needed to keep her close, for my sanity if nothing else. I had to. Didn’t I?

She helped me limp out of the forest, her arm around my waist. I tried to keep the mood light.

“You know, it’s usually the other way around,” I said. She had no reply, but looked at me sadly. Her eyes were large and brown, with amber flecks. They were beautiful. It almost looked like she was going to cry, but she just turned away.

“Gian, what’s wrong?” I asked. Just a minute ago, she’d been smiling, happy to see me. What happened?

“Why’d you do it?” she asked. She wouldn’t look at me, but I heard the tears in her voice.

“Do what?” Despite knowing that she was upset, I had no clue what she was talking about.

“Attack that…thing. Why?”

I sighed. “That Hund would’ve killed you. Besides,” I gave her a little wink, “I didn’t want to put up with you dying on me.”

“Why do you know what they’re called?” she asked, suspicion woven into her words. Of course. Leave it to Gian to notice that small fact above all else.

“Well,” I started, “where I lived in the city, there were a lot of them—well, not as many as we ran into back there—well, maybe that many, but certainly not as concentrated—but, to put it shortly, I learned a lot about them from that.” I was hating myself more and more each second. I almost felt like telling her everything, and leaving her to herself. She’d be better off. But I knew as soon as she tightened her grip around my waist, that I couldn’t; that I needed her.

“A lot of things don’t add up about you, Donree.,” she said. My stomach knotted itself tenfold.

“Wh-what do you mean?” I replied, trying (and failing) not to stutter nervously.

“I’ll just bug you about it when you’re healed completely.”

I was suddenly relieved.

“I promise to tell you, then.” I wanted her to trust me, to know that she could. Then again, I wasn’t even sure of that myself. Put it out of your mind, I thought. We’re almost there.

The large wall surrounding the Capital stretched above the clouds. It’s huge red doors were firmly shut, and even from a distance, I could see the large, burly guards at their feet.

“It’s locked,” I said, trying my damnedest not to sound discouraged. That was a task.

“Could we take ‘em down?” she asked.

“Not even with both of us in prime condition, sweetheart.” Quite surprisingly, she didn’t hit me. Instead, she sighed.

“We can’t get in, then…” Disappointment had flooded her voice. But I was Donree, Chivalrous Gentleman Extraordinaire. I wasn’t going to let her down.

“I know another way, but it’s kinda long, and a little treacherous—“

She cut me off with a swift kiss on the lips.

“You’re the best, Donree, the absolute best. Which way?”

“Uh, that way…” I replied haltingly. I was simply overwhelmed. She didn’t seem to realize quite what she’d done. Usually, she’d do something like blush, and apologize. That would’ve been better. I could’ve been debonair, told her that she had no reason to apologize, taken her in my arms and kissed her—dramatically. Passionately? Tentatively? I was starting to wonder on which she’d prefer when I was poked roughly in the side.

“Ow.”

“Sorry. You looked kind of dazed, and you didn’t answer when I called your name. You just kinda stared off with that goofy smile on your face.”

“Oh. Uh, we go this way.” I pointed around the side of the wall, which was long itself, let alone the path beyond it. Gian sighed.

“I guess we do have a long way to go.”

“And it only gets longer. See those mountains?”

“You’re kidding me.”

“Nope. We have to cross them, and then we get to the “Tunnel Town,” also known as Garageth.”

“I’ll assume that we find a tunnel there to get us to the Capital.”

“’Twould be so, darlin’. It’ll take is near the Ruler’s palace.” For a second, I thought I’d crossed the line with “darlin’”, but it wasn’t me, or anything in particular around us that she glared at.

“He has a goddamn palace?” She didn’t wait for me to answer. “Of course he has a palace. Of course. While we live in a rustic, primitive town with no outside contact. Of course.” I then realized that it wasn’t a question; more of a statement of enraged disbelief.

I sighed. “Yeah. He’s really not too bad, though. He pays for utilities in the homes of people on the Continent, and—“

“And my people starve and get kidnapped by the son-of-a-bitch, but we can’t tell anyone, because we’re protectors of the Fountain. But to what end? Does anyone care that we sacrifice our freedom. For their safety? No! They don’t even know we exist!”

“You live in a Fountain town?” Those were rare. Very rare. I thought I’d been taught where all of them were, in order to avoid him. But her little town wasn’t in my memory banks.

“Oh god. Oh, shit.” She shook her head. “I didn’t mean to say that. I shouldn’t have said that.”

“Hey, hey, you can trust me, ‘sides—“

Ha, said the little voice in my head. Sure.

“But what if I tell someone else? What if I already have?”

“—as I was saying, I’ll keep you from ranting angrily around other people, and otherwise cover for you.”

She looked at me and sighed. “Thank you. I don’t deserve a friend like you.” Eugh. ‘Friend.’ What a poisonous word. It struck me harder than I wanted to admit. The happiness from her suddenly sweet kiss melted like snow on the spring ground. Fast. Nevertheless, I smiled and tried my best to act like nothing was wrong. But my heart had just been ripped out right before me, and there was nothing I could do to stop it from breaking.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

It took us a while, about an hour, but we managed to reach the mountains. Shortly after the ‘friends’ comment, I’d told Gian that I could walk on my own. It hurt like hell, and it wasn’t easy, but I could handle that more than I could handle having her arm around me.

“There they are. The mountains.” My voice sounded flat as it left my lips. Gian just nodded.

“Oh yeah, what was it you were going to tell me?” she asked. I suddenly remembered my bravado before going up against the Hunds, and my confident outburst, and looked away.

“Don’t remember.” I’d even lost the will to make complete sentences, it seemed. How could I tell her that I loved her if she only thought of me as a friend? I started to walk to where the path was, silent, knowing she would follow me.

As we entered the mountains, the air got considerably colder. The mountains were always cold, though, and it didn’t help that it was fall already. However, as it became increasingly colder as we progressed, I pulled off my jacket and plopped it on Gian’s shoulders.

“Thank you,” she murmured. Damn well oughtta be, I thought. Now I’m freezing]. But my gentlemanly nature disallowed me to be rude to a female companion. So, in my gentlemanly fashion, with my teeth chattering and my arms crossed over my chest, I froze my ass off.