Sod Off

NOTE: The following passage is satirical only, and doesn't express the opinions of this particular writer, only the angry British drunk that lives in his head.

So my brain starts talking to me and it says, "Oi, Ixis, what if Naruto joined Luffy's pirate crew and they had all kinds of magical non-homoerotic adventures as manga characters do all the bloody time?" and I thought about it for a moment. Then I realized it was a trick question and dropkicked my cerebral cortex in the face for being so <bleep!> stupid!!

<bleep!> ninjas vs. pirates, Luffy wouldn't let that emotional sack of <bleep!> on his pirate ship! If he asked he's probably kick Naruto nuts, give him the finger and a hardy "SOD OFF YOU <bleep!>ING WANKER!!" (cause Luffy is sexy and all sexy people have British accents, even Riesz... Totally... She just doesn't know it yet, alright?)

Not to mention the fact that while Naruto and his band camp ninja squad barely killed one guy who acts like a shark, and get pwned another guy who beats the <bleep!> out of them with a magical mummy dildo shark sword; Luffy and his crew have killed a bunch of ACTUAL shark-men, one of them pierced Luffy through the God<bleep!> stomach!!

Plus, Luffy doesn't hire ninjas, he hires shape-shifting <bleeping!> reindeer and women with huge racks who can make hand-job orgies at will!! Plus, the reindeer is the <bleeping!> ship doctor! That's right, if you get <bleep!> up on Luffy's crew you gotta sit your ass down and get cut up by a god<bleep!> animal! <bleep!> doesn't even have mother<bleeping!> opposable thumbs!! That's hardcore!

All Naruto does is sit in a corner and cry about how his <bleep!> ninja boyfriend left him (this being Sakura of course. The girl has more testosterone in her left boob than Chuck Noriss butt-<bleep!>ing Silvester Stalone.)

And to make Naruto not alone in this I added Ichigo. Not that I have anything against the little <bleep!>, I only read up to the part where he and his <bleep!>ing buddies go to Namek, or as they call it in the American translation "The Soul Society" for a hundred millenia (it's the truth, go look it up.) Not to mention the guys name in Japanese is strawberry... Think about it.

I couldn't think of any other dumb <bleep!> manga character to put in there (at least not one I wouldn't mind shaming... And <bleep!> Al Elric, he's too <bleep!> hard to draw and I'm not doing that cat-dildo-head 15 year-old fangirl bull<bleep!>!!)

So <bleep!> it, Luffy wins hands down! He doesn't have any special powers other than he's a greedy <bleep!> who ate a pineapple that grew from the devil's magical asshole (or whatever his origin story is.) He wasn't born a magical space-ape with blonde hair and erectile dynsfunction or get cursed with a nine-tailed rat demon.

That's another thing, no one likes Naruto. NOBODY but Iruka (but he's old and boring so nobody talks to him.) I bet there's probably some secret ninja KKK down in Konoha designed just to hate on Naruto, and everyone's a member. There are so many god<bleep!> ninjas in hoods in that series, you can't look me in the eye and tell me they don't exist.

So that's it, Luffy wins hands down! And don't get me started on mental head-trip <bleep!> bi-sexual man-love Sora and his magical "key." Hell, he even turns into a furry on one level and get's raped by Simba! Nothing more to be said. When you get raped by a Disney character, it's over.